


i keep on coming back to you

by jetstreamburningup



Category: One Direction
Genre: American College AU, Enemies to Lovers, English Major Louis, Eventual Smut, Frat Boy Louis, M/M, Underage Drinking, harry has dogs. Lots of them, math genius liam, mentions of rape and attempted suicide, photogaphy major harry, rude niall, stoned artist zayn, sushi dates !!!, too many dogs not enough plot, will Tag smut when I get to it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-16 01:46:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 25,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13625961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetstreamburningup/pseuds/jetstreamburningup
Summary: Harry Styles, a photography major in his third year of college, gets wrapped up in the life of Louis Tomlinson, a frat boy who loves to party until dawn.Harry hates Louis.But Harry also hates what makes Louis cry at night.(American/College AU)





	1. Back To You

"Harry Styles," the ever so annoying voice of Louis Tomlinson called out to me the moment I walked into the kitchen. I was dragged to a frat party by my friend Lilly, and she knew perfectly well who happened to be in this fraternity.

"Nope, no way," I sighed, turning on my heel and making a prompt exit. There was commotion behind me; and i knew that it could only be one thing. "Please don't follow me; you know I hate you."

"Don't play this game Harold. I know you can't resist me."

I kept walking, pushing through the mass of bodies. It would be pointless to try and find Lilly in this crowd, so i tried making my way outside where I would wait in the car for her. As soon as I made it to the front door I felt a hand on my wrist, and when I turned to look at who I knew was the owner of the hand.

I knew I had to stay.

"You don't have to stay down here," Louis said, retracting his hand. "You can go upstairs, wait for me in my room."

"Are you going to get drunk?"

"I'll see you in a bit."

He gave me a shy smile before turning around and going back to the party. I sighed, running my hand through my hair and making my way upstairs. I hate Louis Tomlinson. I hate that I can't say no to him. But most of all...

I hate his demons.

It all started our first year. Me and him were assigned as roommates at the dorms on USC's campus. We did not get along. At all. In fact it was even rare for us to be in our room alone together. After the first few weeks of school there would be times where Louis and his friends Liam and Niall would be there playing video games or watching a movie; and other times me, Lilly, and our friend Zayn would be having studying sessions.

Things got worse when he started shoving his own friends away. It wasn't just me he was fighting with, it was Liam, Niall, Zayn, Lilly, and even people he would cross paths with. No one knew what was going on.

Until that day...

I shook my head opening the door to his bedroom, knowing that no one in the frat house would even consider stepping foot in his room without permission. I've spent too many nights in this very room, with the same boy that makes my blood boil and making sure he's okay, safe, asleep... and alive.

I laid down on the bed, reaching over for the stuffed bear that I know he stole from me. I held it to my chest, breathing in the smell of cigarettes and lavender. The scent I now associate with Louis.

"What's on your mind?" I heard him say from his doorway.

"Just wondering when you took Mr. Snuffles from me," I chuckled, putting the bear back. Lies. "How's the party?"

"Honestly it's pretty shitty," he replied, sitting on the foot of the bed, "how's laying here and sniffing my underwear?"

"Uhm excuse you it was Mr. Snuffles, not your nasty ass underwear!"

"My ass is anything but nasty."

"Keep telling yourself that Tomlinson."

Get out of here while you still can Styles!

"Are you staying the night?"

"Do you need me too?"

"I think you know the answer to that."

"Then I'm staying."

\---

I didn't sleep last night, I never do when Louis needs me. I looked down at the boy who was curled up on my chest. He looks so calm when he's asleep-- happy even. It sucks knowing that happy isn't what he was feeling.

Louis wouldn't use the word sad to describe how he feels. He would use sorrow. Despair. Gloom. Dejection. Woe. Grief. Heartache.

Heartache is definitely the word he would use. After hearing him drunkenly tell me what happened to me that night the only thing he could be constantly feeling is heartache.

"You stayed."

I looked back at him, giving him a soft smile. "I told you I would," I mumbled, wrapping an arm around him. Let go of him. Leave him.

"Not many people stay in my life... So thank you. For uh... that."

I frowned knowing exactly what he was talking about. Louis has this habit where he likes to think back to the day... where he thinks about what broke him.

I just wish I knew how to fix him.

\---


	2. Fake Happy

Zayn blew his smoke in my face, before putting his weed pipe down and giving me the look that I'm so used to seeing.

"You did it again," he sighed, pushing his long greasy hair back. "The whole reason why Lilly brought you was so that you wouldn't."

"It's not like I slept with him!" I exclaimed, bringing my hands up to my face.

"Except that you did sleep with him. Just in the non sexy way."

"We cuddled Zayn. We just cuddled!"

"You can't stand him! You don't see me flying to DC just so I can cuddle Trump!"

"You're turning this into something bigger than it actually is."

Zayn shook his head, grabbing his pot and art supplies as he stood up. "I just don't understand why you do this to yourself."

I let out another sigh, laying down on the couch where Zayn was sat. "Don't worry, once I find out why you'll be the first person I tell."

"I better be!"

He left the apartment after that. Me and him have been living together since last year. We didn't live that far from campus but we both rather drive to classes than walk; especially with all of our equipment and supplies. Living with him... it could be better. Not that I hate every second of it, he's just very good at pointing out my obvious mistakes. Especially my mistakes that revolve around Louis.

\---

"I need you to come over," Louis said the moment I picked my phone on the fourth ring.

"It's like 2 in the morning," I replied as I rolled over and pulled my blanket up to my chin. "I can't come over."

"Can you stay on the phone then?"

"Louis... I have a test tomorrow I don't think—"

"I saw him today."

"Fuck," I mumbled. "I'll stay up. If you want to talk about it I'm here. I'll be right here regardless, but... yeah."

"Thanks."

There was a moment of silence between the two of us his breathing beginning to even out before I heard him whisper something on his end. "What was that?" I asked.

"Why do I have to be the one that pretends to be happy," he answered, and I could sense he was nervous because he sounded like he was whispering still.

"It's not just you," I replied running a hand through my hair. "All of us. Every single one of us has to pretend that we are happy at one point in our lives."

"Not him."

"Well he's clearly not human."

\---

I walked out of my Art History class, feeling and—

"You look like shit Styles," Niall chuckled walking up to me. "Did you even sleep last night? No wait don't answer that; Louis kept you up huh?"

"Yeah," I sighed, slinging my backpack over my shoulder. "Almost fell asleep during my lecture and I have a test in my calculus class and I'm sure I'm going to fail it."

"Alright c'mon, I'm treating you to a latte."

"Niall I really need to get to class. I can't."

"Fine. Louis gets off of his shift in about an hour and I'm meeting up with him for lunch."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"It's an invite for when you get out of class."

"Niall..."

"He wants to see you. Actually want is being generous; he needs to see you."

I took a deep breath, mind going back to the conversation Zayn and I had yesterday. We can't stand each other, why does he need to see me? "I can't Niall..."

"You can't or you won't?"

"Don't be like this—"

"Sorry I can't help it that my best friend is hurting and I have no idea why or what to do and the only person who seems to have an inkling of a clue happens to be the guy that can't stand him."

Niall shook his head and walked off in the opposite direction that we originally were headed. He's trying. He really is, but even I hardly know what's going on in Louis's life. So why does he think I can help him?

I walked into my class and took the aisle seat in the middle row of the auditorium seating. It was my unofficial assigned seat. No one really sits next to me and that's why I chose it. I pull out my scantron and wait for the professor and his teaching assistant to pass out the tests.

My test was placed on my desk, along with a Starbucks cup. I looked up at who placed it there knowing exactly where it came from.

"He has your order memorized," Liam whispered, before moving onto the next row. I rolled my eyes, quickly noticing what was written on there.

'Your place tonight?'

Underneath it was the ridiculous smiley face he draws everywhere and that caused my heart to feel full. He's faking happiness, he's aware that he is.

The bad thing is that everyone around him are starting to notice. How long until it becomes too much again?

\---

"And time!" My professor announced. "Leave your tests and scrap paper on your desks, Mr. Payne and I will be coming around to collect them. Once we take yours you will be free to go; grades will be posted tonight online."

Liam started on my row, taking my pile of papers before sending me a quick ghost of a smile. I know that look, he's been giving it to me every time Louis and I spend the night together. I'm just glad he hasn't harassed me about what's going on like Niall and Zayn have. That action alone tells me that he is on me side.

I grabbed my bag and before I was able to leave the classroom Liam called out to me.

"I wouldn't act surprised if you see Louis waiting outside," he said, collecting papers from the row behind mine. "He's been wanting to talk to you all day."

"He has my number," I replied, pulling the door open.

"Who has your number?" Louis asked from where he stood on the other side of the door.

"Uh... you do?"

"Hm, well alright c'mon. I'm treating you to lunch. Don't say you can't because we both know that—"

"I can't say no to you," I sighed, letting Louis literally whisk me away to lunch.  
\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 and we are already getting into the "juicy" story 
> 
>  
> 
> What do you think is going to happen at lunch? What do you think of Zayn, Liam and Niall? Do you want more Lilly ?? I'm torn about her since I haven't fully created her character except for appearance so lemme know if you want to see more of her!!


	3. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

It was.... awkward.

Here we were sitting in the dimly Ebaes, a bottle of Sapporo of Louis and water for me. We were sharing the edamame that sat between us as we awaited our food. The lighting of the restaurant showcased just how worn out Louis was. His cheeks were starting to get sunken in, there were bags under his eyes, and he looked paler. Much paler than normal. I watched as his chapped lips took a sip of his beer, and the silence between us was killing me. 

"Are you sure you should be drinking that?" I asked, grabbing some edamame. He quirked his eyebrow up at me, putting down his beer and resting his head on his hands. Those thin pink lips in their permanent smirk and I've never wanted to hit him more than I do now. 

"I don't have classes today," he chuckled, hooking his foot around my ankle. "Plus this stuff isn't going to get me drunk."

"Just try to stick to one," I mumbled as I picked up my glass of water. 

"Alright Veggie Rice bowl for my best friend and the USC Trojan roll and California roll for my best friend's arch nemesis."

"Knock if off Zayn," I groaned, grabbing my chopsticks about to ignore everyone and just eat. It literally killed me when these two interacted; I honestly think they hate each other more than I hate Louis. 

"Mmhm this looks delicious Zaynie-Poo!" Louis cheered, rubbing his hands together. "Oh and before you walk away let me give you your tip!"

"Oh no," Zayn and I mumbled in unison. 

"When you have a job you should really consider showering." 

Zayn rolled his eyes, knowing that if he argued with Louis it wouldn't end well for him, and I just glared at the pixie boy who sat across from me. This was one of the main reasons why I hated him. He belittled everyone he talked too; well everyone except for Niall and Liam. 

"What the hell Louis?" I snapped, putting my chopstick back down so that I could run my hands through my hair. "Where do you get off making comments like that? Especially to Zayn?"

"Jesus Harold it was just a joke," he mumbled through a mouthful of sushi. 

"I know that you mask your... pain... with being an asshole but I'd rather you direct it to me than to Zayn. He's going through... he just doesn't need you making comments like that to him."

"He's a big boy he can handle it."

"Could you?"

"What?"

"Could you handle it if one of us insulted you like that? How about Niall or Liam? What about someone in your frat?"

"What are you trying to say?"

"Don't dish it out if you can't take it." 

And with that I began to eat. 

\---

"I'm home!" I called out when I stepped foot into the apartment, knowing that Zayn was still at work. At the sound of my voice my four dogs and one cat came to great me at the door. "Hello ladies and gentlemen; daddy brought you a treat!" 

Maggie, my 5 year old English Springer Spaniel immediately sat down when I mentioned I brought a treat home. Marshmallow my 2 year old Labradoodle and Armani my 3 year old Poodle started barking like crazy, and Minnie my 1 year old German Sheppard and Jack my 4 year old Siamese cat both laid at my feet expecting belly rubs. 

I think it's a little excessive that I own all of these pets but I blame my mom for adopting them all at certain points in my life when I accomplished something. Except for Maggie. She was the family pet but since I spent more time with her than my sister Gemma we decided that it would be best that Maggie would come with me once I found a place that allowed pets. Of course when I told my mom that I found a place she ended up getting me Armani saying Maggie would be lonely without another dog to hang out with while I'm at classes. I kept telling her Zayn was moving in with me but she didn't really trust him with pets. 

I didn't really care anyways. I love my pets. They're the perfect models because they don't talk back and they know that they get treats when I pull my camera out. 

I chuckled at their reactions, shrugging off my bag and opening the smaller pocket to reveal the new bags of dog treats and cat treats. I placed the cat treats down on the mantel as I made my way into the living room, the dogs (and cat) following suit. 

"Ladies first," I said to Minnie and Maggie, giving them each a bacon flavored treat and making sure Marshmallow and Armani were obedient. "Good girls!! Okay boys your turn!" 

The two curly haired dogs rushed to me each taking a treat out of my hand, causing me to roll me eyes. I grabbed the cat treats and left one on the couch knowing that Jack would come get it when he wants. I went to the hallway, shocked to see Zayn in his room laying on his bed, still in his work uniform. 

"Uh hey, did you smoke when you got home?" I asked, nudging his leg with my foot. 

"Yes. And I made sure to keep my door closed and to open my window," he responded, rolling over on his side. I got a good look at him and I knew what might have happened. 

"They did it... didn't they?"

"I no longer have any ties to the Malik family except for the blood in my veins. Not that they would want it since they probably think it's tainted." 

"I'm sorry dude. Is that why you're home early?"

"I got the call right after your boyfriend insulted me."

"He's not my boyfriend."

"You treat him like he is." 

I rolled my eyes, sitting next to my friend and letting him rest his head on my lap. "Let me call Lilly, I'm sure there is some party going on tonight."

"One: it's Monday," Zayn chuckled, looking up at me. "Two: knowing Lilly she would probably find a party anywhere."

"We just need someone to watch the dogs."

"And cat."

"And cat," I repeated. 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention the pets in the last chapter uh oh. 
> 
> The inspiration to give harry dogs came from putting my own dog down. So Maggie in this is the same name and breed as my Maggie :))))
> 
> Also this fic can be found on wattpad !!! I'll link it when I Figure out what I'm doing ahaha


	4. Hoodie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sensitive material mentioned in this chapter.  
> There will be ⚠️⚠️⚠️ Indicating the start and the end.
> 
> Notes at the end will briefly describe what happens

So we found a party. All I was told was it was a birthday party, what I wasn't told is that it was for a member of Lambda Chi Alpha. 

A member of Louis's fraternity. 

So of course when we arrived I threw a huge fit. I really didn't want to run into Louis again, but both Lilly and Zayn swore that they wouldn't leave my side. Eventually I agreed, getting out of the car and following my friends up to the frat house. 

"Come on guys," Lilly cheered, dragging us to the kitchen, "lets go do shots!!" 

"You know that i hate shots," I sighed, really wishing I was at home. 

"Suck it up!" Zayn teased, grabbing some of the shot glasses that were out while Lilly grabbed the rum. He handed me a can of coke knowing that I needed a chaser. Especially with rum. 

After our first one I shook my head not wanting to do another but they were already filling up the glasses again. 

"I hate this!" I yelled, before doing the second round. 

"C'mon Styles lets go dance!" Lilly chuckled, dragging me to where all the people were dancing in the living room. I looked over at where we left Zayn, sending him a wink when I noticed who he was talking to. 

Lilly grabbed my hands, forcing me to dance with her to what ever song was playing. She clearly didn't care about all the bodies surrounding us as she danced with out a care in the world. The song that was playing soon ended and the next one began, and the familiar drum beat rang throughout the house. 

 

"No," I said when I saw the devilish grin on Lilly's face. "I am not doing it, you can't make me!"

"Oh yes I can!" She replied, shoving me towards the coffee table. One more shove and I was standing where everyone could see me. I looked down at Lilly, giving her a glare and all she did in response was shimmy. 

I rolled my eyes, dropping down into a squat and then rolling my body up at the exact moment the chorus for I'm a Slave 4 U began. What can I say; Britney Spears is my guilty pleasure. And Lilly has been taking dance classes ever since she was 4, what was I supposed to do? Not ask her to teach me how to dance to this song? 

I kept dancing to the song, eventually dragging my friend up with me so that we could do it together. People were cheering us on, begging whoever made the playlist to put on more Britney just so we could keep dancing. The next song to come on was Baby One More Time and we were just about to start when the music abruptly turned off. 

"Alright you two, parties over!" Someone yelled, literally causing me to blush and try to escape the blue eyes lad's glare. 

"Let's go," I whispered to Lilly, grabbing her hand and stepping off of the coffee table. 

"Not so fast Styles!"

"Dammit!"

"I'll go get Zayn," Lilly muttered, "we'll wait in the car for you." 

"Alright," I replied, turning around to face the shorter lad who was storming over to me. The music eventually turned back on, so he grabbed the sleeve to the hoodie that I was wearing and dragged me upstairs to his room. 

"I didn't realized we hired a stripper for tonight." He snapped, after closing the door. 

"What the fuck did you just call me?"

"A stripper. Y'know since you were dancing like one." 

"Okay. I don't need this. I'm going home."

"No! Please don't! I uh... I need you." 

I sighed, unzipping my jacket and handing it to him. "Until you realize how huge of a cunt you're being you can borrow this."

 

"No, Harry. I'm sorry. Please please please don't go." 

"I'm not going to fucking stay here! You've been treating me and my friends like shit all fucking day! I really and honestly don't give two shits about you. Like how thick can you be? I. Hate. You."

"You don't mean that." He whispered, holding my jacket close to him. It made me feel sick to my stomach seeing him this way, since this is almost exactly what He told Louis. But I need to put my self first, I can't keep letting Louis hold me back. 

"I mean it," I sighed, opening his bedroom door. "Don't talk to me ever again." 

I left without looking back at him. I made my way through the party to the kitchen, grabbing two bottles of vodka before leaving the party. I found my friends waiting outside by Zayn's car, both looking positively nervous when they saw me. 

"Are you okay?" Lilly asked, running over to me. 

"I should be," I mumbled, handing her the bottles. "We're going back to my place and I'm going to drink as much of those as I can before I Black out. Sounds good?" 

"I don't think that's such a smart idea," Zayn interjected, furrowing his brows. 

"It's the smartest idea I've had since I met Louis."

\--- 

I woke up the next day with a massive headache, thankful that whoever put me in bed closed my blinds and kept the dogs out of my room. I slowly got out of bed and made my way out of my room and into the bathroom. I mentally cheered when I saw some Advil and a glass of water already out for me. I took both of the pills and a huge gulp of water, staying there until I was ready to go out into the kitchen and face my friends. 

I honestly do not remember anything that happened after my encounter with Louis so I have no idea what embarrassing things they saw me do. 

"Alright guys," I sighed, laying on the floor in front of the couch that they were sitting in. "Lay it on me." 

⚠️⚠️⚠️

"Harry," Zayn whispered, something about his tone being completely off. "Is Louis.... is he... is he suicidal?"

I sat up, looking at Zayn and Lilly in pure shock. "Where did you guys hear that?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. 

"We heard it from you. Last night after you finished one of the bottles of vodka."

"You told us all about what's going on between you two," Lilly continued for him, holding Jack in her arms almost as if she didn't hold onto something she would fall apart. "You talked about how Louis tried once and how you wouldn't be surprised if he tried again; but you were like super vague about it. It was the only conclusion we came to, and we stayed up all night just in case something happened to him." 

"Oh my god," I whispered, extremely pissed off at myself. This was one of the few things that I promised Louis that I wouldn't tell anyone. Not even his best friends. 

"Harry. We need to know."

"That's why I gave him my jacket last night, before I yelled at him. I didn't... I didn't want him to try anything rash. Not like last time." 

"I need to tell Liam," Zayn snapped, pulling out his phone. I lunged for him, tackling him to the arm of the couch. 

"You can't fucking tell anyone. You can't even hint to Louis that you know."

"He's fucking suicidal! We need to get him help!" 

"You think I don't know that? Why do you think I always do what he asks even though I hate his fucking guts! I was the one who found him last time. Do you know how much it sucks finding your roommate in the bathroom sobbing as he is clutching a bottle of pills because he needed to make a life or death decision. Do you you know how much it sucks knowing that no matter how much you hate him you can't help but put his happiness before your own. Do you know how much it sucks that even after everything you did he still does it and you find him and you're the one who has to call a fucking ambulance to save his fucking life."

Zayn and Lilly both looked at me in shock, I guess they didn't expect me to respond like that. I shook my head and headed back to my room where I was going to sleep until my afternoon classes. 

⚠️⚠️⚠️  
\---

I walked into my digital photography class, camera bag slung over my shoulder. My professor gave me a smile before waving me over. 

"What's up Mike?" I asked, trying to hide the fact that I was hungover.

"We have you scheduled for gallery practice next week, do you have a collection all put together?" He asked, shifting through some photographs. 

"I think so."

"And is your voice heard in every photograph?" 

"Not technically."

"Then you don't have a collection. We're going on campus today; try and let your voice be heard."

"Yes sir." 

\---

We have been out on campus for about an hour now and I've been disappointed in every picture I have taken so far. Nothing screamed me, nothing had my voice. 

Just when I was about to give up I saw something from the corner of my eye and I just knew that I had to capture it. I aimed my camera at my subject and I snapped the picture. I looked down and smiled, this was the best thing I have taken all semester. 

I grabbed all of my stuff and rushed back to the photography lab, wanting to edit this right away. 

\---

Mike was sitting at the computer, looking at the photos I took today and I just knew what he was thinking of the first couple. But he paused long and hard on the last one, really trying to take it in. 

"You took this?"

"Yes sir."

"Is there any reason why the subject's face is in this third right here," he asked, trying to critique my photograph. 

"The hoodie is the main focus," I answered, sounding as confident as I feel. 

"The hoodie? Why is the hoodie the main focus?"

"It was mine. I gave it to him."

Mike leaned back in his chair, giving me a tight smile before looking back at the computer screen. "Print it. I expect to see this up in your gallery; along with everything else you took this semester. Keep up the great work Harry."

"Thank you sir."

Mike stood up and gave me a quick pat on the back before leaving the lab. He liked it. I can't believe he liked it. 

I quickly printed out the photo before putting it in my binder with the rest of the photos that I'm putting on display. 

 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️⚠️⚠️Harry tells Lilly and Zayn about Louis's suicide attempt⚠️⚠️⚠️
> 
> I'm honestly not the biggest fan of this chapter but only because of how sad it is. 
> 
> Leave a comment and let me know what you think !!


	5. Hate That You Know Me

I walked into Art History; a Starbucks bag sitting on my desk next to a cup of what I assumed to be my favorite tea from there. I sighed, knowing exactly who this came from. 

Even when we aren't talking to each other he does shit like this and it just gets under my skin. And not in the way I would prefer. Normally I would send him a text, telling him to stop doing this, but I'm not giving him the satisfaction of me 'apologizing' to him. Or at least acknowledging him. 

The moment one of my classmates walked in, I offered them everything on my desk. They happily took it, stating that they didn't have time for breakfast. 

The rest of the class started to trickle in, as well as the professor. Since this class was on the smaller side he didn't need to take roll; if some one was absent it would be obvious. 

"What do you guys know about DaVinci?" Our professor asked, all of us preparing our notebooks for the lecture today. 

\---

When I got to my math class Liam was outside waiting for me. "I told Craig that you weren't coming in today," he explained, grabbing his stuff off of the floor motioning to follow him. 

"Please don't lecture me about Louis," I sighed once we exited the building.

"Zayn told me what happened."

"I'm gonna fucking kill him!"

"What you did was totally reasonable, but the method in which you did it? Low blow Styles."

"Well what else was I supposed to do?? Stay being his shoulder to cry on and let my self spiral down a dark path with him? He takes from me more than he gives. That's not how a fucking friendship works."

"Except that's how it works when one of the friends is going through something bigger than what they put out. Here's an example: you and Zayn."

I snorted at that. "The only reason why Zayn and I get along is because we have things in common. Louis is just a frat boy who begs for attention."

"You have a lot more in common than you think," Liam chuckled, walking towards the parking lot where he parked. "I'm gonna visit Zayn at work, so don't hesitate to call if you need one of us."

"Why would I need one of you?"

He just sent me a wink before leaving me in the middle of campus.

What the fuck?

I turned around just to head back to my apartment when i came face to face with Louis— who was still wearing my hoodie. 

"I uh," he stuttered, trying to avoid eye contact with me. "We need to talk?"

Did I want him to talk to me? It's only been a day and I don't want him to think I'm going to forgive him. Especially not after how he has been treating me. 

But maybe.... 

Maybe he wants me to apologize to him. Maybe he's expecting me to apologize to him. And I can't-- won't-- do that. 

"I don't think so," I replied, walking past him. 

"What the fuck Harry?! I need you!!"

"No you don't. Leave me alone."

"Fine... just fine! Fuck you Harry Styles." 

I bit the inside of my cheek when I heard him storm off. The sinking feeling in my heart is telling me I should follow him, apologize and in turn accept his apology. But My brain is telling me not to and to keep him out of my life. 

My mom has always taught me to listen to my heart. 

Well. Fuck. 

\---

I walked inside of the Lambda Chi Alpha house, ignoring any greeting that was sent my way. But when I was halfway to the stairs a certain someone stopped me in my tracks. 

"Like hell I'm going to let you up there," Niall said, blocking the stairs. 

"I'm here to apologize," I mumbled, trying my best efforts to walk past him. 

"You don't deserve his forgiveness." 

"You're right I don't. But he deserves an apology, and I'm here you give it to him."

"I still don't like you."

"Don't worry, I feel the same about you too."

"Fucking bitch," he mumbled before composing himself. "I'm going to be right outside his room, if I hear either of you raise your voice I will literally kick you out."

"Alright fine. Just let me through."

"Fine."

He stepped to the side, allowing me to climb the stairs up to where Louis's room was. Niall followed me, leaning against the wall across from the door. "It should be unlocked," he said, pulling out his phone. 

I nodded, opening up the door and stepping inside. 

"Harry? What are you doing here?" Louis asked, sitting up from where he was laying on his bed. 

"You were right; we do need to talk."

"Look Harry I don't think right now is a very good time; I have a huge test tomorrow morning and I need to pass it to keep my grade at an A and you've already distracted me enough this—"

"I think I have a crush on you." 

Louis's mouth was hanging open in absolute shock, he wasn't responding to me. Even after I snapped my fingers in his face. 

"I mean... it's nothing serious and I'm not quite sure yet. I just... my thoughts always go back to you. And you're always just constantly there. I can't get rid of you no matter what I do, and you said it yourself. I just can not say no to you."

"You like me?"

"It's a possibility."

"I... uh are you sure, Harry? This doesn't seem like you."

"Whatever, I knew this was a stupid idea," I groaned, sinking down onto the floor from where I was leaning against the door. "Why can't we be normal?"

"I don't know about you Harold but I think this is as normal as we are gonna get."

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry Harry Harry. 
> 
> What are we gonna do with you ????


	6. Forgiveness

The chat with Louis was just that. A chat. He hasn't quite forgiven me, but that hasn't stopped him from letting everything go back to "normal." 

It's been about a week now and I've been staying the night at his place every single day. I've just watched him sleep, happy that I could be the one who is able to put that soft smile on his face. Even if it's just his subconscious. He still wears my jacket everyday, even while he is sleeping. 

I looked over at the alarm clock on his nightstand, gently nudging him awake. 

"Louis," I whispered, lightly patting his cheek. "Lou, you gotta get up. You have work."

"Ugggghhh," he complained, hiding his face in my chest, and okay he is too cute. "Can I call in sick?"

"Nope. I won't let you. Now c'mon, it's time to get up."

"Only on one condition."

"What's that?"

"I get to wear the shirt you have on right now."

"Yeah no thanks."

"Oh come on! Please?" He begged, looking up at me and pouting. 

I averted my gaze from his very kissable lips, knowing that if I kept staring I wouldn't be able to resist. "You already have my favorite hoodie."

"Yeah but it stopped smelling like you."

I rolled my eyes, shoving him off of me and getting out of the bed. "I'll see you later."

"That wasn't a no!"

"It wasn't a yes either." 

\---

The problem with having four dogs is that when you want to take them outside, you need someone to come with. And so far everyone I know is busy. 

Zayn is in class, Liam is in class, Lily is with her other friends, Louis is at work, and Niall hates me. 

I pulled the leashes that were on Marshmallow and Armani, trying to get them to stay on our side of the sidewalk as I kept an eye on Maggie and Minnie. All of my classes were canceled for the day so I decided to take my pups out to play at the park. I knew it was going to be difficult, but I really didn't want to sit at home alone. 

"Marshmallow!" I yelped when the large Labradoodle saw the park and began running for it, pulling me and the three other dogs along. "Heel! Heel, heel, heel heel!"

Eventually all of the dogs started running, and I couldn't do anything but let it happen. Once we were on the park grounds I pulled them over to a secluded area, taking off the leashes and letting them go play. 

"That's a big bunch of pups," someone said, walking over to me. "You dog sit?"

"Uh, no," I chuckled, smiling at the stranger. "They're mine. Every single one of them." 

"Oh wow, how do you manage?"

"My roommate helps out when I'm in class. If neither of us are home our neighbor drops in to feed them for us."

"Hmm. What about a girlfriend— or boyfriend?"

"Is that's your way of asking if I'm single?"

"It was worth a shot."

I gave the guy a quick once over. He wasn't bad looking. He was about my height, nice smile, great hair. "Harry," I said bringing my hand out to shake his. 

"Nick Grimshaw, or 'Grimmy' as I go by on the campus radio."

"I thought I recognized that attitude, I listen to it on my way to my classes. You do the morning segment yeah?"

"The one and only. You never did answer my question about you being single." 

I chuckled, thinking back to Louis. I did tell the blue eyed lad that I liked him, and it seems the feeling is mutual, but this Nick guy seems pretty interesting. Maybe not in a romantic way but I do find my self wanting to get to know him more. 

"I am. But it's also pretty complicated and I would advise you to stop flirting with me as soon as possible."

"How can I stop if I haven't begun?"

Well— he got me there. 

\---

Nick and I ended up exchanging numbers (after he pestered me for ten minutes), him promising to call if there's a party happening or if he wanted to grab lunch together one day. Deep down I was hoping that he wouldn't call, that he would actually forget all about our entire exchange. 

He was nice. I just really didn't want to mess up whatever was happening between me and Louis. Again. 

I stayed at the park for about an hour or so; my dogs were pretty worn out and they kept coming over to lay down next to me instead of playing fetch. 

"Didn't they ever tell you that if you lie down with dogs, you get fleas?" I heard someone say behind me, and I think I've gotten pretty good at picking this voice out in a crowd. 

"How'd you find me?" I chuckled, looking back at Louis, patting the spot next to me as invitation for him to join. "And my dogs don't have fleas."

"I wasn't talking about you dogs."

"Huh?"

"Grimshit came into Starbs, kept bragging about the charming guy he met at the park. The second he mentioned the dogs I knew it was you; thankfully I was already clocked out when he came in."

Grimshit. Yikes. 

"And you didn't bring me anything?"

"I'm not your personal barista!"

"Uh-uh; your my favorite barista and I'm your favorite customer. Why else would you memorize my order?"

He rolled his eyes, sitting down next to where Minnie was laying, giving her belly a much needed rub. "So... Are you going to go out with Grimshit?"

"I don't know; I did tell him— many times mind you— that I wasn't exactly interested."

"But he still got your number."

"Yeah after he got down on his knees and begged like a kid in a toy store. Why do you care?"

"He's a fucking asshole; 've known him since high school."

"He's from Olympia too?"

"He followed me here! I kid you not— he put in his application here a week after I got accepted. It's like he's trying to one up me all the time. Like, back in high school I came out as gay, it wasn't a big deal or anything. Just made a comment during my Government class about gay marriage and shit. At lunch he stood up at his table and announced that he was gay. Same day."

"No!" I gasped, letting my self fall for his dramatics. "What did you do?"

"Called him out on it... and maybe hid a few eggs in his locker. It smelt for the rest of the school year— he never found the source."

"You're horrible."

"Yeah," he chuckled, shaking his head— probably thinking about how he was back in high school. "I'm just glad Niall ended up moving to Olympia. Kept me sane; even if it was for the last three months of school."

"Where did he move from?"

"Spokane; before that it was Detroit and before Detroit it was his hometown of Lafayette, Louisiana."

"That explains the hint of a southern drawl," I pointed out, running my fingers through Armani's fur. 

"His mom lives out there— actually now that I think about it...  he and his dad were the only two that moved from place to place. The rest of his family is still there."

"Divorced parents. I know how that is."

"You too huh?"

"I was 7 when my parents divorced. My dad found a better life somewhere in New York. At least that's what my mom told me when I was older, right before she started dating Robin— my step dad."

"The man whom I share DNA with walked out when I was just over a week old; my mom married a man named Mark— he's the one who raised me and is the birth father of almost all of my sisters— but they're in the process of finalizing their divorce."

"Holy Shit Louis... that must be rough."

"It's fine. I'm out here. They're up there. I don't have to deal with it."

"Louis..."

"I'm fine Harry. At least— I'm fine when it comes to this."

We kept chatting and playing with my dogs for the rest of the afternoon. It was nice having Louis open up to me for once. I learned all about him-- how he and Niall became friends, how he met Liam, pranks he has pulled, what he got his sisters for Christmas last year. I felt my feelings towards him grow stronger, and if we walked back to my place with our pinkies linked together...

No one has to know but us and the dogs. 

\---

Friday night Louis spent the night at mine. He was adorable as he kept dozing off, mumbling incoherent nonsense trying to stay up. 

"You're furgi'in," he mumbled, pressing his lips to my neck. "Bu' y'h gotta c'me wi' me to op'n mic, Ni's pr'fr'ming."

"What was that?" I softly chuckled, brushing his hair out of his face. 

"I'll tell y'h in th' mor'ing. G'night Haz."

"Night Lou."

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I only know how to write dialogue 
> 
> Tell me what do you think of nick ? Harry and Louis friendship ? 
> 
> Happy palentines day !!!!


	7. Too Much To Ask

I woke up to find Zayn and Louis in the kitchen actually getting along. They were playing music and cooking breakfast for all of us. It also looked like they fed the dogs and Jack. 

"Well good morning to you guys," I chuckled, sliding into one of the bar stools. "How are you this fine Saturday morning?"

"Zayn has a date with Liam tonight!" Louis answered, dancing his way over to me. 

"About fucking time. What are you going to do?"

"I'm not sure yet," Zayn replied smirking at me, "but I did throw out that it's the first night of my friend's gallery display at school."

"Your friend would be every happy if you went. He worked hard on it. Gemma is going to be there."

"I'll run it by Liam."

"Alright. Can you text and remind Lilly about it? I would but I need to head over to the studio and make sure everything is running smoothly. Might not get a chance to look at my phone."

Zayn nodded, pulling out his phone and leaving the kitchen. After much begging I got Mike to give me one more week to finalize what I wanted to put up in my gallery practice. Tonight was the soft open; invited guests were mainly the ones who attended and I made sure to tell all my classmates to bring a plus one if they were coming. My mom and my sister were even going to show up, so there were added nerves there. 

I just hope my mom doesn't end up giving me another dog. 

"Hey Harry?" Louis said, quickly gaining my attention. "Did you want to go to open mic at Mal's— with me? Niall is preforming and running the whole thing and I promised him I would go."

"Wait," I replied, wanting some form of clarification. "Tonight?"

"Uh... yeah?"

"I... I can't. I have my gallery opening tonight; and I was kind of hoping you would come to that."

"Wait you were talking about yourself?! Liam can't go— Niall would be livid if we both ditch him for—"

"For me?"

"Fuck. No. No. It's not like that. Okay. Actually it is. It's exactly like that."

"Look. It's fine if you need to go support your best friend. I get it. But only if it's okay for Zayn and Liam to stop by my thing first."

"It's totally and one hundred percent okay!! And I want to be there for you— honest— but I promised Niall I would be there the moment he got the whole night booked at Mal's." 

I gave Louis a tight smile. It's a good thing I'm heading to campus early to do some finishing touches. My main piece might need to come down.

\---

"Harry, Harry, Harry," I heard Mike call out when he walked into the studio. "Why in the world did you think rearranging everything and cutting your best work from the show would be a good idea?"

"Because the guy in the picture isn't coming?" I sighed, hoping the answer was pretty obvious. "It's a long story."

"We got a lot of work to do before we open tonight. I find that long stories help pass the time."

I smiled, laughing to my self that my favorite professor has no idea what he got himself into. 

I told him. I told him everything. I started right from the beginning, and I didn't leave out a single detail. I told him all about the incident. I told him all about my true feelings. But most of all I told him about the biggest mistake of my life.

"Do you even know what you're getting yourself into?" Mike sighed, stepping off of the ladder. "People like him are extremely broken and hard to love."

"Trust me. I know. He's so fucking bipolar, and I just really wish I never got involved with him. Like, sometimes I imagine what life would be like if me and Louis never met."

"What is that life like?"

"Better. So much better."

"The fuck?!" someone yelled, and there he stood— standing just out of my line of sight— Louis William Tomlinson, in the flesh. "You were lying?! This whole time?!"

"What?? No. No I wasn't. I swear," I replied, rushing over to him. "Mike and I were just kidding. Right Mike?"

"You're on your own," my teacher responded, walking past us and out of the room. 

"Louis," I tried to ease the tension, my hands up in defense, "I didn't mean it like that."

"But you lied about how you felt towards me. Do you know how much it hurts knowing that the guy you've liked for years lied about feeling the same? Because it's happened to me— twice! Fucking twice! You're just like Him."

"I'm not lying and I'm nothing like that fucking rapist!"

Louis closed his eyes, his right hand turning into a fist— clenching and unclenching— his left holding a bouquet of roses. "Who else knows?"

"What?"

"Who else knows that I was raped, that I'm weak, that I wish I was fucking dead."

"No one else, just me and uh Mike— my teacher."

"Bullshit. Who. Else. Knows."

"Lilly and Zayn know that you've tried—"

"Fuck you."

He threw the flowers down at my feet, petals breaking off and scattering in every direction. We just stood there facing each other; and all I could think about was how destructively beautiful this moment is. I looked over to my Polaroid that I put out on display, a full roll of film just waiting to be used. 

"Stay right there," I whispered, not wanting to break the moment we were trapped in.

"What the fuck? No."

I grabbed the camera, raising it up and snapping a picture of the roses, letting the print fall as I quickly snapped one of Louis. "I'm not lying when I say this— but you're beautiful. Even more so right now." 

I saw his cheeks redden as he averted his gaze from me, obviously flustered by the compliment. "And I thought I had mood swings," he mumbled, turning around to leave. 

"Louis."

"What?" 

"We are going to talk about this— we can't just leave things like this."

"I'm sorry Harry; but you're wrong. We're leaving things like this. I can't— I can't trust you anymore."

I sighed, a tight smile dancing on my lips. He was right. 

In fact I don't think I can trust myself right now. 

\---

That night I couldn't ignore the concerned look Mike was giving me from across the room. Especially since I ended up keeping the picture of Louis up— and adding the two Polaroids to the exhibit. I greeted everyone I could, meeting the friends and colleagues of Mike, but my heart just wasn't in it. I kept scanning the crowd to find the two people that mattered the most to me. 

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted white blonde hair and I literally felt my body relax. "Gemma!" I called, pushing through the small crowd to get to my older sister. 

"Harold!" She cheered when I finally got to her, wrapping her arms around my waist. "Everything looks incredible!"

"Have you even moved from this spot?" I chuckled noticing that she was near all the portraits I've done of her. 

"It's not my fault that people want to talk to the model!" 

"Uh huh, sure. Is mom here?"

"She's dropping of something at your place— don't worry I made sure that it does not have four legs and a tail— she should be here soon."

"Oh, okay. Cool. Perfect."

"Alright I've known you long enough that something's bothering you. What's up? And I know if you're lying."

"Let's go outside," I replied, putting my hand on her shoulder and quickly guiding her to the nearest exit. "I've already told this story with someone eavesdropping. I don't want to risk it again."

\---

Gemma and I just sat there in silence after I basically bore my heart out to her. I didn't know what was going on in her mind as she took a deep breath and faced me. 

"What are you still doing here?"

"Wait—what?"

"Go! Get out of here and get your man! I'll distract mom and your hot professor."

"Gemma I can't!" I snapped, running my hands through my hair. "I just can't!"

"You can't or you won't?"

I let out a sigh, she can see right through me. "I'll let you know what happens."

"You better!" She chuckled, giving me a nudge and that was enough for me to take of running in the direction opposite of my gallery. I took out my phone and looked up Mal's. Which was in the opposite direction. 

"It's this way," i yelled out to my sister as I ran past her. I could hear her laughter behind me and honestly I'm so glad I have someone like her in my life.   
\---  
I ran inside Mal's, trying not the slam the door open, especially when I noticed it was Niall preforming. I quickly spotted Louis leaning against the wall closest to the stage, beer in hand. He didn't seem too into the music; nodding his head during the offbeat. I made my way through the crowd, taking the open spot next to the blue eyed man-child. 

"He's really good," I commented, not really sure how to address Louis. 

"Why are you here?"

"I fucked up."

"No shit."

"And so now I'm trying to fix it."

"Good luck," he mumbled sarcastically. 

I grabbed his wrist, pulling him to face me. "If I didn't want to fix things between us, if I didn't want to give us a chance, do you really think I would be here right now?"

Louis furrowed his brow, eyes darting around as he searched my face to see if I was being honest, hopefully he could tell that I was. 

"Give me one reason why I should forgive you."

"You can't resist me either."

He let out a quiet chuckle, resting his head against my shoulder. "You really hurt me, but I'll give you another chance. Things aren't going to go back to how they were... but I will let you know if I like–y'know."

"I know. And I'm going to be there for you no matter what."

"Thank you Harry."

I wrapped my arms around him, pressing a kiss to his hair. The two of us swayed as Niall finished up his set and announced the next act. I watched him make his way over to us and he looked pissed.

"Styles. Can I talk to you outside?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the biggest fan of this chapter
> 
> let me know what you guys think !!! Should I bring in more Gemma ????


	8. Strong

I sheepishly walked back inside of the bar, Niall right beside me. Louis spotted us and came trotting over, putting all of his attention on me. "Is everything okay?" He asked, fingers grazing the sleeve of the suit jacket that I was wearing. 

"Uh, I... I—"

"Everything is just peachy," Niall interrupted, giving me a hearty clap on my back. A subtle reminder of what he wanted to talk to me about. I nodded in agreement, giving the shortest of the group a tight lipped smile. 

"I gotta go back to campus before anyone realizes I'm missing," I said, pointing my thumb over my shoulder at the exit. "I just wanted to let you know that the apartment might be locked if my mom was the last person to leave— if you were planning on heading back there afterwards, I mean."

"Are you planning on staying out later than me?" Louis chuckled, giving me this unreadable look in the dim lighting of the bar. "I already said I'll let you know if I—"

"Right! Fuck I'm sorry. I'm just gonna.... yeah."

"Bye Harry."

\---

At end of the night Zayn and I make it back to our apartment, both in shock at what my mom left for me. 

"Is that a—"

"Yup."

"Doesn't she know those cost—"

"Oh yeah."

"Do you even have your—"

"Of course I do."

Sitting in front of our apartment building was a new sleek 1200 custom Davidson in black with a big red bow on it and a tag that said "Congrats Harry!"

I was literally buzzing with excitement because my old bike got trashed after an accident back when I was in high school. It wasn't bad enough to injure me— but enough to have my old bike be completely and utterly ruined. 

"Does this mean I get the car?" Zayn chuckled, walking to my new bike to inspect it. 

"As long as you fill up the tank," I replied, wanting to hop on and drive over to Louis's... even though I can't. "C'mon dude, let's get to bed."

\---

I really couldn't sleep that night, my talk with Niall echoing in my head. I just didn't know if I should take the threat lightly or not. 

"If I see him shed a single tear because of you, I swear to Christ I will beat you up so badly that your own Mother wouldn't be able to recognize your body."  

I'm hoping that he was bluffing.

He had to have been bluffing. 

I heard my phone ping from my bedside table so I reached over to check who was texting me this late in the evening. 

Louis. Why am I not surprised.

Louis: arr  u  u. p ???

Harry: Are you okay?  
Harry: aside from being drunk of course. 

Louis: np. He waa th er Nd gr kept yellu g st me a d. Iall.   
Louis: fu k   
Louis: hRry   
Louis: is whay he said trye ,??

Harry: can I call you?

Louis: NO. 

Harry: What did he say then?

Read 2:57 am

Harry: Lou ???

Read 2:57 am

I sighed, tossing my phone at the foot of my bed, not wanting to deal with Louis's antics right now. That is until I heard a knock at the front door. Zayn wouldn't answer because he's the type to stay asleep the second his head touched his pillow, and I had a guess on who it might be. 

I rolled out of bed and made my way into the entryway, ready to take Louis into my arms and keep him safe. 

Only it wasn't Louis behind the door. 

"Niall?" I asked, stepping out and shutting the door behind me. 

"It's bad, it's fucking bad," he said, grabbing my arm and tugging me down stairs, not caring that I was in a hoodie and boxers. "Louis is in my car and I was gonna drop him off here anyways and when he saw we were here he freaked out. I don't know what to do, and I'm positive you don't know either; but I don't want to see my best friend like this. Not anymore."

"He texted me. Told me his uh.... his ex was there."

"Yeah, he was. We had a bit of a argument before we all got kicked out of Mal's— might not get to host open mic night again but whatever."

"Is... is Lou okay?"

"No. Not at all. Both physically and mentally."

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. This fucker has messed with Louis too many times, and I've had enough. And with the way Niall's body tensed up I could tell he was done too. 

"Where is this fucker," I spat, making eye contact with Niall for the first time since he stopped by. 

"Harry?" A weak voice called out and any anger I had washed away. 

\---

Louis came upstairs his body pressed against mine, Niall following behind. Soft cries came from the small boy and both Niall and I flinched each time, it's heartbreaking to know that one fucking guy had this effect on someone like Louis. 

"I'm going to need you to let go so I can let us in," I whispered to Louis. "Niall is right there if you need someone to comfort you."

Louis nodded, and I reached into the potted plant on our doorstep the second he let go. Grabbing our spare key, I opened the door and let the pair inside. 

"You guys can take my room," I offered, heading to lay on the couch. 

"No," Louis cried, coming over and wrapping his arms around my waist. 

"It's fine dude," Niall chuckled. "I don't mind the couch." 

"Alright. I'll see you in the morning," I sighed, guiding the broken boy to my room. 

\---

 

Morning came, and Louis was fast asleep on my chest. I carefully crawled out from under him, making sure he didn't wake before leaving my room to the kitchen. 

"How is he?" Niall asked when I walked in, spotting him and Zayn resting against the counter each with a mug of coffee. 

"He's still asleep," I answered, grabbing a mug and pouring the leftover coffee in it. "I guess I should explain what's been going on; now that you've seen the cause of it."

"Yeah, y'think?"

Zayn and I both let out a chuckle before I retold the story of Louis and I. 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :~)


	9. Is There Somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guess who we get to meet

"I'm going to be staying with Liam for a few days," Zayn said to me in passing one day; that was two weeks ago— a week after my gallery soft open. He later assured to me that they weren't sleeping together (yet), and that he was staying there until I had the Louis situation under control. 

Yeah. Like that was going to be easy. 

After what happened that night I haven't heard from Louis— at least not directly. Niall and I decided to put our differences at rest for the broken boy's sake; so now I hourly updates on how Louis is doing and if I need to stop everything and go help him. 

Being home alone with the dogs and Jack got a little boring. So I did the reasonable thing and locked my self in my room. That is until I couldn't stand that anymore. 

My phone beeped and I saw a text that made my heart jump. 

Louis: come over?

Harry: now?

Louis: I needed you here 10 mins ago.

I didn't bother with a reply, leaping out of my bed and running out of the apartment, the dogs barking after me. I ran down the stairs, simultaneously trying to tug my boots on and not trip down. Once I was on the ground floor I booked it to where I parked my bike, throwing on the helmet and draping my self over it. 

The engine roared to life and I was off down the familiar roads that lead me to the frat house. 

\---

I walked inside, being greeted by everyone who was there— including Niall and not so surprisingly Lilly. (Her cousin was in this frat so she tended to be here when she wasn't with her 'Gal Pals,' or with me and Zayn.)

"Hey guys," I answered back, not wanting to seem rude. "I'm just going to be—"

"We know Mr. Casanova!" Lilly chuckled, throwing a pillow at me. "Let him know that a bunch of us are meeting Liam and Zayn at Lucky Strike in a few hours."

"I'll be sure to pass on the message," I smiled, before walking up the stairs to Louis's room. 

His door was wide open and he was sat at his desk, piles of books and papers surrounding him. Knocking on the door to alert him I was here, I made my way inside and sat on his bed. 

"I see you got my SOS text," he chuckled, pushing his glasses up his nose, not looking at me. 

"Are you doing homework?" I asked, grabbing one of the papers off of his desk. 

"Yes and no. My American Lit teacher will give us extra credit if we turn old essays that we proofread and made corrections to. He's an ass— I mean this is a literature class, not a fucking beginner level English class— but I'm a sucker for extra credit."

"Aren't you a Literature major anyways? Why are you stressing over this?"

"Midterms are next week. Can't let my grade slip. Especially since it's going to be nonstop parties here after midterms."

"So the SOS text?"

"I missed you." Was all he responded with, getting lost in his writing. I chuckled, laying back and getting lost in the comfortable silence. 

And before I knew it. I dozed off.

\---

"Jesus Christ H," Lilly hollered, throwing some fries at me as I made my way back to our table. "Even with the bumpers up you keep getting gutter balls."

"Yeah well," I shrugged, sitting down between her and Louis, not really having an excuse to explain why I'm doing so poorly. 

"Your turn Liam!" Dylan— Lilly's cousin— announced, all of us turning to find him and Zayn sharing an... intimate moment together. 

"How long has this been going on?" Niall asked while Lilly wolf whistled at the pair. The rest of our group were teasing the couple, but I noticed that Louis wasn't joining in. 

"Are you okay?" I whispered, giving his shoulder a squeeze. 

"I need to get some air," he replied standing up and heading towards the entrance. 

"Wait Lou!" Dylan called out, waving the scorecard above his head. "You're up after Liam!"

Louis just kept walking and as I stood to follow him I felt someone grab my wrist, keeping me with the group. I turned and saw Niall holding me back, shaking his head and gesturing for me to sit back down. 

"Three aisles down to our left," he mumbled. "Don't make it obvious that you're looking."

There he smugly stood with a group of his friends, a girl pressed up close to him, clearly drunk out of his mind. 

Sebastian. 

Louis's ex.

\---

I ran up the stairs to my apartment, phone pressed against my ear as I tried calling Louis for the fiftieth time since leaving the bowling alley. We were all going to hang out back at the frat house but the second I noticed Louis wasn't there, I bolted. 

"Please please please pick up," I mumbled as the phone kept ringing. If it goes to voicemail one more time I swear I'm going to throw my phone at a wall. I opened the door to my place, expecting to be greeted by my dogs but when Jack was the only one to be seen I knew something was up. 

I went to my room where their beds were and I found them all on the floor, with Louis laying with them. 

"He's a douche," I whispered, kneeling down in front of the small boy. "He's an utter and complete douche."

"Do you think he's doing what he did to me to that girl?" Louis whispered and it was so quiet that if I wasn't in front of him I don't think I would have heard it. 

"I wouldn't be surprised. Like I said: he's a douche."

"What did I even see in him?"

Minnie nuzzled her head in between his arm and body, begging to be pet by him. Louis was quick to comply, dropping a kiss to her fur. 

"Nothing, but he saw everything in you. Everything he wanted to be and he was envious, he wanted to bring you down with him. And before you go and insult yourself for letting him win; he didn't win. He didn't win because you're still here, and you're the prize."

Louis looked up at me, tears welling up in his eyes. "Does that mean you won?"

"What?"

"If... if I'm the prize... that means you won. Because... because I'm... I'm yours. I've been yours since you saved me that night."

"Jesus. Yeah, I guess s—OH!"

Louis launched himself at me, arms wrapping around my neck. And in this moment I knew everything was going to be alright. 

At least for now. 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmk what you think !!   
> Also posting this story on wattpad with visuals !! 
> 
> Also I hate Sebastian let's punch him :))))


	10. 10. What A Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: non consensual kiss and violence !!

"Happy Halloween!" Zayn greeted Liam with a kiss as he and one of his friends walked into our apartment. The couple wore a matching costume— Liam was a sexy fireman and Zayn was a Dalmatian. I waved as I walked by, patting Liam on the back on my way to the living room where Lilly was. 

"Your drink," I said handing her a cup of wine. 

"If we were both straight I would so kiss you right now!" She giggled, resting her head on my shoulder. "This is a great party by the way!" 

"Thank you for lying," I responded, tugging on her ear. Lilly decided to cop out on her costume and just threw on an oversized t-shirt and ruined her makeup, even though--her words, not mine-- Eleven isn't even that great of a character in season two. 

"What are you even supposed to be?"

"Kinicie, from Grease. It'll make more sense when Louis and Niall get here."

"Is Louis your Rizz?"

"No... He's Danny. We're doing a gay approach on it— Niall wanted to join in so he's one of the T-Birds."

"So are you guys like... official now?"

"Not really? Like, we're a thing but we don't have a title yet," I explained, scratching my nose. "We don't want to rush into anything and I want him to be the one calling the shots."

"That's still really cute! I'm happy for you guys; honest."

"Thanks," I smiled, getting up off the couch to mingle about. "Now keep having fun, drinks are in the kitchen like always and your wine is in my room if you need a refill. Just try not to let the dogs out."

"I love you!"

I shook my head, walking away from the couch and heading to the kitchen to get myself a beer. Grabbing a bottle of Corona, I mingled with some of Zayn's art major friends— I couldn't tell you what they were dressed up as even if I tried— when I noticed Niall out of the corner of my eye. I excused myself from the group, walking over to the brunette.

"You guys finally made it!" I cheered, giving him a hug. 

"Wouldn't have missed it," Niall chuckled, pointing over at Louis who was chatting across the room with Zayn and Liam. "He's been in costume since he woke up this morning."

"Jesus Christ that's adorable."

"Look... I need you to be honest with me," he sighed, the mood instantly shifting. "This thing going on between you guys.... it's as real for you as it is for him; right?"

I looked over at Louis, smiling when we made eye contact. When he realized I wasn't going to look away, he decided to play along— scrunching up his nose and sticking his tongue out at me. "I'm gonna tell you that right now my feelings are one hundred percent genuine; as are my intentions."

"I know, I just... I needed to hear it. He likes you— a lot. And I don't want to see him get hurt by you because as much as I don't want to admit it, you're a pretty stand up guy, and I don't think I have it in me to hate you anymore."

"Last time I hurt him was a mistake, and I don't plan on doing it again. 

"Yeah you really didn't deserve his forgiveness, but like I said... he's fallen for you dude. Hard."

"What are we chatting about over here?" Louis said as he approached us, his arms instantly wrapping around my waist. 

"Just talking about how sickening you guys are," Niall chuckled, sending me a wink. 

"You're just jealous!"

"Tell me about it.... stud."

The three of us cracked up at that comment, me feeling extra euphoric because Niall and I could now joke and tease with one another. Niall excused himself, shooting us a wink as he joined a group of Lilly's friends in a drinking game. 

"Hey," I smiled down at the shorter boy. 

"Hi," he mumbled, looking back at me, crinkles by his eyes from smiling too hard. "You look really good."

"Well, leather does that to a guy."

"Oh shut up you always look good!"

"I need you to keep reminding me is all."

"I'll do it until I give my last breath. History books will have a chapter all about me and it will state that I uttered 'Harry Edward Styles is one hot piece of meat,' on my death bed."

"Why will you be in a history book?"

"Haven't you heard? I'm planning to become the next James Wood."

"Whoever he is," I chuckled, giving Louis a squeeze to let him know I was teasing. "Why not become an author like... Jane Austen or even Dan Brown!"

"I'm a literature major... I want a career where I can showcase my skill. Anyone can write a book," he replied with an eye roll. 

"Not anyone."

"Yes anyone! It's not hard to come up with a few topics for a self help book, or to come up with a few characters and a plot for a young adult romance novel."

"Prove me wrong then."

"What?"

"If anyone can write a book, then write one and prove me wrong."

"I'm not going to write a book!" 

"Then not anyone can write a book."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Did you want to get some air?"

I nodded, dragging Louis through the small crowd out of my apartment; I didn't want to risk going on the patio where people most likely would be smoking. "Quick walk around the block?" 

"That sounds like a lovely way to spend Halloween."

"Alright, lead the way." 

Louis pulled away but only to link our hands together and lead us down the stairs into the brisk SoCal autumn air. It was cold enough to where we couldn't shed our jackets but we could stay huddled close together if needed. We didn't really talk much on the walk, just pointed out people in cute costumes or some decorations we liked. It was almost as if this was a date, and I wouldn't mind considering it our first. 

When we got back to the apartment building there was an unrecognizable figure leaning against the railing. Once we got closer to the stairs I felt Louis freeze up when he saw who it was. 

Sebastian. 

"Well isn't this a pathetic sight," he chuckled coldly, slightly slurring his words. He sounded venomous, and as he took a step toward us I instantly hid Louis behind me. Wanting nothing but to protect him from this asshole. 

"What the fuck are you doing here," I snapped, matching his tone— if not sounding even more menacing. 

"I'm here for the little bitch behind you."

"Yeah well, too fucking bad. You lost your chance."

"I don't think you know who I am."

"I know exactly who you are, so I suggest you better leave before things get messy."

"I'm not leaving without him."

"You can't have him."

Sebastian closed the space up between us and the next thing I know he's grabbing Louis from behind me and forcibly pulling him away from me. "This fucker is mine; always has been. Always will be. Isn't that right?"

Louis looked like he wanted to throw up as his ex pressed his nose into his perfectly styled hair, and the sight made my skin crawl. When Louis didn't answer I felt my heart break as Sebastian shoved him slightly and gave his cheek a hard slap. 

"Speak when spoken to," he spat, grabbing Louis by the collar and shoving him against the wall. 

"Let go," I heard Louis weakly whisper, and he sounded just as broken as he did the day we spent in the hospital after I found him. And I felt something in me because I never wanted Louis to sound like that again. 

That something snapped when Sebastian kissed him. 

"Get the fuck off of him!" I yelled, pulling Sebastian away and punching him square in the jaw. I forgot that I was still wearing my rings we he gained his composure and looked at me, the place where my fist made contact was now home to a fresh cut. It wasn't too deep but I knew that I went too far and there was no turning back. 

"You asked for it," was the last thing I heard before entering a blind rage. 

Only thing I was aware of was Louis curled up on the ground while Sebastian and I fought. 

Suddenly someone was pulling me off of him— when did we end up on the ground? How did I get the upper hand?

"That's enough," someone whispered in my ear and I recognized that voice.

"I wasn't done with him Liam, let go of me!" I snapped, trying to break out of his strong hold. 

"You're a fucking idiot," someone— Zayn— commented, causing me to snap out of whatever trance I was in. "Are we bad people if we don't take him to the hospital?"

"He should wake soon," Liam responded, guiding me over to where Niall,Zayn and Lilly were sat with Louis. "I'm more worried about these two anyways."

"Jesus H, good thing you do your work behind the camera," Lilly joked, trying to ease the tension. 

"That bad?" I asked, starting to feel aching all over my face. 

"I'll go get you an ice pack," Liam answered, letting me go and heading back up stairs. Oh fuck the party. 

"You guys are lucky Niall didn't make a huge deal of it when he came out here to look for you guys," Zayn mumbled, causing me to look over at Niall. He smiled at me, but all of his attention was on the crying boy next to him. 

My heart broke. 

I promise that I wouldn't make him cry again. That I wouldn't break him again. 

And here I fucking go— doing just that. 

I took a step back, feeling like I didn't belong here anymore when a soft voice caused me to stay put.

"Don't leave," Louis said, looking up at me. "Please don't leave."

"Not in a million years." 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a höe for medicine 
> 
>  
> 
> What do you think is going to happen next with Harry and Louis ?? With Sebastian ???? 
> 
> Comment and let me know what you think !!!


	11. Kiss Me

"Should I be worried?" I asked Zayn as soon as he walked into the living room with a bowl of cereal, Maggie and Minnie following him expectantly. He sighed, knowing exactly what I was talking about. 

"It's not like he's shutting you out dude," Zayn answered, sitting down next to me. "He's spent the night here every single day since."

"That's the problem!"

Minnie jumped up on the couch, sitting and facing Zayn, wanting him to share whatever he was eating. "Down girl! Down! This is my Raisin Bran! Raisins come from grapes and grapes are bad for you!" 

"What the hell dude?! That's my cereal!" 

"I know. Now how is Louis spending the night here a problem?"

"He won't sleep if I'm not there, and if he can't sleep that means he's over thinking, and if he over thinks...." I trailed off, not really wanting to think about it— again. "And there's a chance something in him snapped and he's having an emotional breakdown."

"Have you tried talking to him?"

"I don't know if that's going to go over well."

"Look, I'll have Liam take him out for dinner or something. Have him try get Lou to open up about what happened at the party." 

"No... no not Liam. It has to be me," I sighed, wrapping my arms around my German. "Fuck I hate this."

"Is he still here? Y'know... to get it over with?"

"Nah, he had an early shift at work today."

"Oh that reminds me; I got called in today. Should be home before six, did you want me to bring stuff home for dinner?"

"That's why you're up before noon!" I chuckled, ignoring the middle finger he sent my way. 

"Not all of us are blessed with a mom who gives a shit about our lives," Zayn mumbled, putting his now empty bowl on the coffee table. 

"Zayn. You know my mom would give you a job if you asked, she's been looking for paid interns and everything. I'm sure she has something for—"

"Harry. I love you. I love your mom. But there are just somethings I need to do on my own; I just happen to be in a situation where I need to do everything on my own."

"But I'm your family Z," I argued, nudging his leg with my foot. "Let me help." 

"I'll think about it," he sighed, sounding defeated. I cheered, crawling over my dog to give Zayn a hug. He may have a had time believing that I'll be there for him, but one of these days I'll prove it to him. 

\---

With both Zayn and Louis gone it gave me some time to catch up with my school work, making sure that I'm up to date with all of my assignments. I was checking my student email when I noticed something from Mike titled "Consider it?" I quickly skimmed through it, not believing what he was offering to me. I was about to type out a reply when I heard the apartment door open and all the dogs ran out of my room to greet who ever was at the door. 

"Harry?" Louis called out, his voice drawing closer as he came into the hallway. 

"In here!" I shouted back, closing out of the browser and shutting off my laptop. He shuffled into my room looking as exhausted as ever, face planting onto my bed next to my legs. "How was work?"

"Don't make me go back," he answered, response muffled since he refused to pick his head up to talk to me. 

"Yikes, that bad?" He nodded in response, and I let out a sigh. I reached over to him, pulling him up into my arms and resting my cheek on top of his head. "Alright me and you are gonna take a 30 minute nap, and when we wake up we're gonna talk about what happened on Halloween."

"Or... we can take a 30 minute nap, and when we wake up we could watch a shitty Netflix movie?"

"Fine, I guess we'll talk about it now. He knows where I live Louis, we have to call the cops or get a restraining order or something. This won't be your safe place anymore if he knows where you are when you're not at your place."

"This isn't my safe place," he replied, curling into my chest. "My safe place is in your arms."

"You're so fucking cheesy."

"I can be cheesier."

"We're still talking after our nap, okay?"

"Ugh. Fine."

\---

The marimba alarm on my phone went off, and I reached over to shut it off, leaving my arm wrapped around Louis when I was done with that menial task. "It's time to wake up babe," I whispered into his hair, brushing his bangs back. 

"I really don't want to," he whispered, hinting at what we were about to talk about. 

"We can't keep avoiding this Lou."

"Halloween was like 2 weeks ago, we're not avoiding anything."

"What about what you've been avoiding for the 2 years I've known you. Or at least year of me finding you—"

"We have talked about it!"

"But not as a potential couple," I argued, burying my nose into his neck. "I don't think I can date you if you won't give me all the details of Sebastian. You've touched on the surface, but there has got to be more that you're purposely not telling me. And if you think I won't like you any less because of it you are dead wrong."

"What if I'm not ready to talk about it?" He mumbled, hiding his face in my chest and clinging closer to my body. "I don't think I ever will be."

"That's something we need to talk about then."

"What are you implying?"

"Have you considered talking to a therapist?"

\---

Ever since I've suggested talking to a therapist Louis has been acting off. Like nothing has changed between us, everything is fine, but there's been a subtle shift in his mood. Instead of playing FIFA with Zayn-- what he usually does when he's over-- he told us that he actually wanted to watch a movie or even play charades. Confused is an understatement on how Zayn and I reacted to this new side of Louis. 

"Are you still coming up for Thanksgiving?" My mom asked over FaceTime, Louis was asleep next to me enjoying what sleep he could since he didn't have to work today. It was a few days later and I didn't have class until the afternoon, so I decided to give my mom a ring; knowing that she didn't have any meetings today. 

"Yup!" I answered with a smile. "Louis, Zayn and I for sure, and I think Liam, Zayn's boyfriend is going to come by for dessert... he might spend the night but I haven't gotten a definite answer from either of them yet." 

"Well, I'll need to know soon because if he does spend the night then I'll have to move the couches in the TV room around so that there's room for you—"

"Why can't we sleep on the deck... in a tent like how all us cousins used to when Gran and Gramps were alive?"

"Harry..."

"Anne..."

"I just don't think setting up the tent is a good idea," she confessed, and I knew exactly why she was mentioning that. "You guys can build a blanket fort the second after we finish dinner. How does that sound?"

"That sounds perfect actually," I replied, causing my mom to smile widely before talking about something Gemma did last time she visited. 

"I just can't believe she didn't even try to go easy on Robin!" She chuckled, finishing up her story. "It's not like he spends every second of his free time playing Mario Kart!" 

"Yeah, well Gemma is a bit competitive," I chuckled, looking over at Louis realizing that he's awake. "Oh! How long have you been up?"

"At the mention of a blanket fort," he answered, pressing his lips to my cheek. "Is that your mom?"

"Uh... I... uh... uhm," I stammered not really wanting them to meet over FaceTime. "Got to go!"

I ended the call and dropped my phone on my chest before engulfing the smaller boy in a hug. "Why did you hang up on her!" Louis protested, trying to worm out of my grasp. 

"Because I didn't want to bore you," I lied, squeezing him tighter. 

"Sounds fake but okay."

I rolled my eyes, before realizing how close his face was to mine. It took me a moment for my thoughts to catch up with me when Louis began to inch closer to me. "Lou," I whispered, suddenly forgetting every word that wasn't LouisWilliamTomlinsonLouisWilliamTomlinsonLouisWilliamTomlinsonLouisWilliamTomlinson. 

"I'm going to kiss you," he warned, his breathe ghosting over my lips. 

"Please."

Next thing I know his lips were pressed against mine, and I didn't even hesitate to kiss him back. The kiss wasn't rushed or messy, it was sweet; it was.... Louis. 

 

The way he kissed me was very cautious, but not in a bad way. It was almost as if he needed to make sure I wanted this as badly as he did, and lucky for him I did. I do. 

Every thought and worry was wiped away from my mind, except for wanting to remember the way my heart fluttered when he gently nipped at my bottom lip or how my skin felt underneath his hands. 

We kept kissing for what felt like forever when in reality it was only a couple of minutes, neither of us wanting to turn it into something we— mostly Louis— weren't ready for. He pulled away, knowing that he's the one calling the shots here, and the smile he gave me just made me want to kiss him again. 

And then I remember that I can kiss him again. 

So I did. 

\---


	12. This Must Be My Dream

I pulled up to my mom's house, Louis riding shotgun and Zayn in the backseat with all of the food I was assigned to bring—and then some. "Zayn please make sure to bring in the ice cream," I said putting the car in park and killing the engine. "We can come and get everything else later. I just want to get the introductions out of the way." 

"It's just your family," my best friend chuckled as he got out of the car. 

"Yeah, that's what I'm worried about." I sighed, quickly giving Louis one last glance before leading him head first into the storm of embarrassment that I call my older sister Gemma. 

\---

"Oh! I knew he didn't get rid of this picture!" Gemma chuckled from where she was sat on the couch with Louis, Zayn, and our step-dad. They were looking at one of the old photo albums and I just rolled my eyes from where I was helping my mom with dinner because whatever picture they were looking at couldn't be as embarrassing as the bra—

"Nice bra Harry!" Zayn hollered, causing me to put down what ever I doing and rush for the book. 

"I told you to burn that picture mom!" I cried out, as Gemma shut the book and held it away from me. "I swear to god Gemma I'm going to kick you so hard in the vagina if you don't give me that book right now."

"Mooooom Harry is being crude," my sister yelled in response, tossing the book away from us. Even though she was no longer in possession of the photo album that didn't stop me from sitting on her and attempting to give her a noogie. Louis, Robin, and Zayn sounded like they were pissing themselves from laughing too hard. 

"'Have kids,' they said," my mom said, sounding way too calm about the situation. "'It'll be a blast,' they said."

"Gemma just fucking bit me!" I gasped, sitting up and turning my torso away from my sister. 

\---

"So Louis," Robin spoke up as he began to carve the turkey. "Have you and our Harry been together long?"

It was a bad idea for me to decide then I needed a drink of water because I almost spat it out everywhere when I heard the question. "Sorry, sorry," I apologized, using my napkin to clean up my mess. 

"Uh.... no we uhm..." Louis started to answer, quickly looking over at me. "We actually became official last week." 

My mom and Gemma both cheered, and Zayn gave me a smug look as he scooped some peas onto his plate. I mean this was news to me, but after seeing the fond smile Louis sent my way I just knew that there was nothing wrong with us having the title. There was nothing wrong with us being boyfriends.

\---

Liam came by around 8:30 with a Rhubarb pie and a plate of cookies that his mom and aunt made him bring. He greeted Zayn with a kiss and me and Louis with a bear hug, before going an introducing himself to my family. This moment was very important to both him and Zayn since my mom and Robin will be the closest they get to meeting the parents.

"So are you enjoying your break Liam?" My mom asked as she cut up some pies for all of us. 

"As much as I can... today was actually the only day I could focus on relaxing," he answered, wrapping an arm around Zayn's waist. "I'm a Junior Accountant for my uncle's business, so not much of a break for me." 

"And he's also the Student Worker for my Calculus professor," I spoke up, grabbing a slice of pumpkin pie for Louis and I to share. 

"Don't forget to mention he's getting his Masters degree at USC for Business and Accounting," Louis responded, pecking my cheek as thanks for the pie. 

"Jesus Christ you guys," Zayn groaned, rolling his eyes. "Anne doesn't need to know all of that."

"Yes I do," she chuckled, giving Robin a cup of coffee. "I gotta make sure my boys are dating decent boys."

Louis tensed up at that, and I quickly rested my hand on his thigh hoping to relax him. Both Zayn and Liam noticed the exchange between us. 

"Anne, I can assure you that both Harry and I found pretty amazing guys to be with. And I think I speak for all four of us when I say that we have never been happier."

"Your son is the most important person in my life," Louis suddenly said, looking directly at my mom and Robin. "If it wasn't for him I probably would be dead; and I don't mean figuratively."

"Louis—"

"Let me finish! I'm apart of the biggest party fraternity, and I chose to be a literature major because I knew it would be easy but I'm still failing half of my classes, I work part time at a Starbucks hoping that it'll cover my student debt, I haven't had a proper conversation with my mom in months, and I tried to kill myself because I was not happy with my life... and deep down I'm still not. But that didn't matter. Doesn't matter now that I have Harry. And I know that it's too soon to tell but I think— no. I know that I'm starting to fall for him. More and more each day. So I may not be the ideal guy for him, but he makes me happy and I certainly hope I make him happy too."

\---

That night Zayn, Liam, Louis and I were laying in an expertly constructed pillow fort in the middle of the media room. Light snores were coming from Liam and Zayn, the two having been asleep halfway through the movie that was still playing on low volume. 

"Lou?" I whispered, pulling away slightly from the boy in my arms.

"Hm?"

"Are you awake?"

"Yeah," he yawned as he looked up at me, his beautiful blue eyes as striking as ever in the dim lighting. "What's up?"

"Why did you tell them all of that? All they really care about is that I'm happy and that I make you happy. They didn't need to hear the depressing shit."

He pressed his lips to mine quickly, giving me some sort of comfort about the situation. "I was going to tell you this later; but I have an appointment with a therapist next week. And I just... I wanted to get the easy stuff off of my chest first before opening up to a complete stranger. And I guess I needed to prove to you family that I may not be a 'decent guy,' but I still care about you and your happiness. And I know that I was kind of the thing that took that away from you for awhile, but I want things to work out between—"

I cut him off with another kiss, but this time deepening it slightly. I pulled away and pressed another kiss to his hairline before pulling him back into my chest. "I understand Lou. Now get some sleep, we gotta get up early tomorrow."

"What? Why?"

"Black Friday shopping; Harry Styles in Santa Barbara Style."


	13. Fireproof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is horny boy dry humping in this chapter

I parked my bike in front of the frat house, waving at a few of the members who were smoking on the porch. When I made my way inside I spotted Dylan and surprisingly Nick talking in the kitchen. 

"Hey Harry!" Dylan said, gesturing me over to join them. "Do y'know Nick? He's thinking about pledging next semester!" 

"Uh yeah," I chuckled, suddenly feeling awkward because of this new information, "we met briefly. So your'e pledging... an entire year after Louis did."

"Louis?" Nick asked, his tone dripping in sarcasm. "As in Tommo?! He's in the frat?! I had no idea!"

"Uh huh sure. Look I'm gonna be upstairs in Louis's room, just let him know I'm here when he gets back. I'm sure he'll appreciate the heads up."

"Can do!" Dylan said gleefully, saluting me as if I was a figure of authority. 

I pulled him into a side hug, wanting to ask him one more favor, but in private. "And please try and get Nick out of here before Lou and Niall get back."

"Uh... yeah I can try?"

"Thanks. I owe you."

Today was Louis's first day of therapy and Niall was taking him, after a long discussion of the pros and the cons of me going with instead of Niall. He said he felt more comfortable having a friend there with him even though I'm the only one who have witnessed it all first hand. But I did understand where he was coming from, since I did witness it all first hand. 

I made my way upstairs to his room, wanting nothing more than to lay down on his bed and wait for him and give him a good cuddle knowing that whatever may happen in his session he will leave it emotionally drained. As I waited I grabbed a book off of his bookshelf, astounded by all the tabs he had sticking out. I looked at the spine of the hardcover and chuckled at what book it was; it was The Bell Jar a book I jokingly recommended when we first met and attempted to be civil roommates by watching a not-so-shitty 80s movie on Netflix. The suggestion ended up turning into a big irony the more I got to know Louis and the more I realized what was happening... and then when I found him. 

"Hey," I heard him say as he entered his room. 

"If I find a copy of Moby Dick and the only Word underlined is 'eskimo' me and you are going to have a serious talk," I joked holding up the book in my hands. 

"Are you seriously referencing that shitty movie right now?"

"It wasn't that bad."

"It kind of was."

I rolled my eyes, putting the book back and walking over to my boy, pulling him into my arms and falling onto the bed with him. "How was the session?" I asked softly, gently brushing his fringe out of his eyes. 

"It was good; please don't expect me to tell you about it," he answered as he gave me a pout that I quickly kissed away. 

"I didn't ask that. And I will never ask that; it's up to you if you want to tell me how future sessions go."

"Do I have really have to go again?" he sighed, curling up on my chest. "Today was enough for a month."

"You did reschedule for next week though... right?"

"Yeah."

"Hey," I whispered, trying to get him to look at me. "I know this is going to be really hard on you, but I'm here for you. So are Niall, Zayn, Liam, and Lilly. We all care so much about you and we don't want to see you hurt anymore."

He gave me a tight lipped smile before pressing a kiss to my lips. He's going to slowly get better, and we will be there for him no matter how long it takes. 

\---

It's finally finals week and between classes, work, and his weekly therapy session it seemed like the only times I got to see Louis was either my room or his room at night. And because of it being finals week we were both exhausted and didn't really talk much, a few words here and there but nothing major. 

"Are you still good to model for me tomorrow?" I asked late Tuesday night, us cuddled together on my bed. 

"Yeah," he replied, kissing my collar bone. "Anything you need me to wear or bring?"

"Just your cute self." 

Louis chuckled, lifting up he torso to get a better look at me. He had a soft smile on his face, and I've never seen him look so beautiful before. I sat up a bit to connect our lips, hands cupping his face and quickly deepening it. He responded immediately, his legs going to straddle my waist. 

 

"Is this okay," I whispered pulling away slightly. 

"I'll tell you to stop if it becomes too much," he responded before diving back in. This little make out sesh we were having was electric, I felt chills go down my spine as he ran his fingers through my short hair. The compromising position we were in didn't really help my situation, especially as Louis began to move his hips and grind into mine. I moved my hands down his back, stopping at his hips, not wanting to touch him somewhere that would make him uncomfortable. He moved his hands down to meet my own, just to place them on his (wonderful) ass and quickly going back to tugging at my hair. 

I groaned, pulling away and latching my lips to his neck, causing him to arch his back and whine in delight. I squeezed his cheeks bucking my hips up to meet his, gasping in surprise when I felt his own hardening erection. I kissed up and down his neck, before biting down and sucking a mark into his skin. Louis trailed his delicate hands down my torso, resting them on my stomach before moving them up my shirt in an attempt to remove it. "Is this okay?" I asked, letting him take my shirt off, an uncomfortable silence falling upon us. 

"How have I never seen you shirtless before," he gasped, reconnecting our lips in a passionate kiss. "Jesus Christ. Tattoos, you.... you're covered in tattoos."

"It's not like I've hid them from you."

"You haven't. I know you haven't. It's just... different."

He emphasized what he meant by 'different,' by grinding his hips into mine once more. We kept grinding against each other, placing kisses on every inch of skin we could, Louis enjoying his discovery of my sensitive nipples. 

"Oh god, do that again," I sighed, brushing his hair out of his face. "'M close."

"Me too; love your large hands on me."

I kissed him again, letting him grind haphazardly on me. Once I realized he was almost at his tipping point I gave his ass one more hard squeeze, bucking my hips up against his. Louis was letting out small gasps from above and next thing I knew he was gasping out my name and the sight was so.... so!! It was enough to have me spilling in my boxers. Louis collapsed on top of me, giggling at the realization of what we just did. 

"You better lend me some clean boxers," he chuckled, and I just pressed a kiss to his hair before wrapping my arms around him and eventually letting sleep take over. 

\---

Mike and I were joking around as we got everything set up for my shoot with Louis. It was for my final and I really wanted to capture the beauty that I saw in him. I wanted to show it not only to the world, but to Louis himself. A knock at the studio door caused Mike and I to look over at the intruder. 

"I hope I'm not too early," Louis said as he stepped inside, causing me to smile warmly and put down my camera. 

"You're just on time!" I greeted, walking over to him and pecking his lips quickly. "You look great."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! Now come stand right over here and just be yourself."

Louis smiled shyly at Mike as he stood where I asked him to. "It's good to see you again," my mentor said, handing me my camera and going to do the white balance check. Louis just nodded in a reply, standing awkwardly as Mike and I read our readings back to one another. 

"You ready Lou," I asked, smiling at him and the mega watt smile he gave me showed that he was all set to go. 

"Hell yeah."

\---

I had him do a few casual poses, not wanting to be extreme for my final— and for a submission that Mike talked me into. The main thing I wanted to focus on was the dramatic lighting cascading across his features. And this lovely boy even brought a few changes of clothes (mainly sweaters he stole from me and Zayn) because he wanted to make sure everything was perfect for me. We sat in the Lab, Louis on my lap and Mike in the chair next to us as I uploaded everything onto my assigned computer. I scrolled through trying to find the one.

"What about this one?" Mike asked, pointing at one of Louis with purple and gold lighting. 

"I mean it's okay... but I don't think it's good enough for the uh... the grade," I said, giving Lou's hip a squeeze to get his attention. "What do you think?"

"I hate my hair in it," he answered with a chuckle, looking over at me. I stuck my tongue out at him and he returned the gesture. The three of us kept looking through the shots, until I stopped on the perfect one. 

"Wow," I gasped, quickly opening it up in PhotoShop and starting to make needed adjustments before fine tuning it. "Jesus Lou, look at you!"

"What about it?" He mumbled, transfixed on the image on the screen. 

"You're beautiful!"

"As a certified straight male," Mike chimed in, putting a hand on Louis's knee. "You're fucking hot, and this picture shows that."

My boyfriend looked at both of us before looking back at the computer. I'm pretty sure he's trying to see what we see, see the beauty that is Louis Tomlinson. "I... I guess I am."

"Do we need a repeat of last night for you to believe how attractive I think you are, especially in this picture," I whispered in his ear seductively. 

"Too much," he whispered back, shifting away from me but not getting off of my lap. I squeezed his hip again in acknowledgement before moving to work on editing the photo. 

The photo that might get me an internship in Chicago. 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think !!


	14. All I Want For Christmas Is You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes.

"The semester is over!" Louis yelled as we entered the frat house, a couple members cheering with him where as the rest were hiding out and probably doing a last minute cram session before they take their last final. We sat down on one of the couches, Louis opting for my lap versus one of the cushions. 

"Any big party plans?" I asked, voice low so Louis knew it was just for him. 

"What kind of party animal do you take me for?" He chuckled, pecking my lips. "We usually have an end of semester—slash—Christmas—slash—winter birthdays, yours truly included—slash—open house for spring pledges—party."

I rolled my eyes at that answer, knowing perfectly well that he, Niall, and a few others will be staying their entire break away from home. Whether by choice or by other circumstances. Louis, for example, does not have the money to make the trip up to Seattle, and from context clues I'm pretty sure he's not about to ask his mom for help. Niall, Liam, and myself have all offered to help him out but each time he told us all the same thing. 

And after some conspiring among me, Niall, my mom, and a third party, we got the perfect birthday/Christmas present for him. Of course none of us really knew how he would react to it, but that's all part of the surprise. 

\---

Later on in the day we had a small get together at Liam's place, which just consisted of me, Louis, Niall, and of course Zayn. We were all sat around his living room as Elf played on his huge ass tv, Louis laying across the couch with his head in my lap and his feet on top of Niall's, and Zayn and Liam were sharing the recliner— being as disgustingly cute as ever. 

I felt Louis poking at my thigh, and I couldn't help the smile that grew on my face. He kept poking so I finally looked down at him, running my fingers through his soft hair he turned and faced me, blue eyes quickly grabbing the attention of my own green ones. I quirked an eyebrow up at him, silently asking what he wanted. He leaned up and pressed his lips to mine, before giving his attention back to the movie. 

"Jesus Christ I need a girlfriend," Niall chuckled, shoving Louis's feet off of him. "I'm getting another beer, anyone want one?"

Both Louis and Zayn requested one, me choosing not to drink because I am driving up to Santa Barbara later tonight with Niall. We were going to check the progress on Louis's surprise, and my mother said part of it arrived today. 

\---

"Are you sure he's going to love it?" I asked Niall after we dropped off a sleeping Louis at the frat— guilt consuming me because I promised to never leave him alone at night; never leave him when his demons come out. "Like are you positive?"

"It'll be fine," Niall chuckled, plugging his phone into the AUX cord. "And your mom did say she would take the blame if he doesn't like it. But he will, so stop freaking out."

The drive wasn't long since it was nearing midnight, and there was almost no traffic on the 101-North. Niall certainly had a good taste in music, and he was a great conversationalist; there was always something on his mind. And he laughed at all of my jokes, which was a nice change. I pulled up to my childhood home, Niall in awe about it. 

"It's not that big," I chuckled, thinking about the houses in Montecito and knowing that this was nothing compared to those. 

"It's still huge! Your parents live here alone?!"

"Uh... yeah."

"Jesus Christ Harry... and I thought Liam's family had money."

"They do. They have a significant amount more than my family does," I teased as I got out of the car. "Now c'mon, my mom can only stay up late for so long."

\---

The week of Christmas and Louis's birthday quickly fell upon us, as I drove up once again to Santa Barbara. Miraculously I was able to fit 5 youthful men (including myself), multiple bags of luggage, a ridiculous amount of dogs (and 1 cat), and a large pile of gifts into my sister's car. 

We swapped modes of transportation as we headed up to our childhood home, her stopping by my apartment after a business meeting in the heart of Los Angeles to enforce the switch. I wasn't going to switch at first, but she made a compelling argument regarding my dogs. Plus her car really was bigger and better but I wasn't about to admit that to her.

"Uh, I know Christmas is in a few days," I chuckled nervously pulling into the driveway, looking over at my boyfriend, "but we all kind of pitched in together— my parents and Gemma included— and got you an early birthday-slash-Christmas present. And it's waiting for you once we get inside."

"I swear if it's a dog I'm making you keep it," Louis teased, pressing a quick kiss to my lips before we got out of the car. Niall and Zayn wrangled the animals together while Liam started bringing in all of our luggage. I was quick to lead our group inside, wanting to inform my family that we were here and to get Louis's surprise ready. 

"We're here," I announced, taking my shoes off at the door prompting everyone to do the same. 

"Living room!" Robin yelled out, the dogs running towards the sound of his voice. There were some youthful giggles the moment they were out of sight, causing Louis to tense up beside me. I dragged him with me, noticing all of our friends had their phones out, recording the moment and I knew my mom was probably doing the same. 

The moment we entered the living room Louis let out a quick sob as he saw his mom and sisters sitting there and looking right at home with my family. "Mom," he choked out, running up to her and engulfing her in a hug. "I'm sorry for being a shit son, I should talk to you more. All of you."

"It's okay lovely," she comforted him in the way a only a mother could. "Happy early birthday; you have some great friends, especially Harry."

"Yeah, they are pretty special."

\---

"So you're not mad," I whispered that night as Louis and I were curled up on one of the many couches. He rolled on top of me, pressing a kiss to my lips. 

"Why in the world would I be mad at you," he whispered back, laying his head down on my chest. "This is the best gift I could have ever asked for, and I know you're the mastermind behind it." 

"Niall was the one who suggested you guys go out for lunch tomorrow. And Liam and Zayn planned for us to spend your birthday at the beach and the pier— your sisters are going to love the Aquatic Center."

"Would we being doing any of that without your plan?"

"Well... yeah. But only if you weren't happy that they were here. You don't really talk about your family much, and Niall said that last time you saw them was before you—"

He cut me off with a kiss, deeper than the one previous, quickly slipping his tongue in to brush against mine. "I'm really glad you guys did this. It means a lot to me."

"Just wanna see you happy."

"I've the happiest when I'm with you."

And I could only hope he was being honest when he said that. 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter. She done. Nothing more I can say or add to it really....... like I could have drone on and on about the birthday Christmas celebration but it's gonna be quickly summarized in the next chapter. I mainly wanted to get Louis's reaction to his mom (and sisters) being in California


	15. Gorgeous

\---

Louis's birthday and Christmas was probably the happiest I have ever seen my boyfriend— which says a lot considering our history. Every time us guys wanted to go out and do something he always made sure to invite his mom and sisters, also making sure it was okay with us, which it usually was. Even though they were all fairly young (despite Lottie telling us that she's almost 16— almost meaning in 8 months....) they were all such a joy to be around. The older two girls wanted to spend time at the beach as often as they could, wanting to go back to Washington with a golden tan, and the twins were totally okay with that, loving to play in the water with Niall and Louis. And I'm forever thanking the Gods above that mine and Louis's moms got along; Jay opening up her home to my mom and Gemma next time they were in Seattle. 

Unfortunately for us they did have to go back home the day after Christmas. Louis swore to them all that he would be better at being in contact with them, and they all made him pinky promise to FaceTime when they land. Which he did as soon as we got home from the airport; FaceTiming his family quickly became a daily thing, and I felt my heart soar whenever I see the smile on his face just from interacting with them. 

"What?" He asked me one night as I watched from the doorway of my room, him just ending the call with his family; the 5th daily call since they went back home. 

"Nothing," I chuckled, stalking over to my bed and laying down next him. I pressed kisses from his neck up to his lips, pulling him on top of me. "Just think you're super attractive when you smile like that, and that you should do it more often."

"Oh fuck off."

I pressed my lips to his once more, this time deepening the kiss. He tangled his fingers into my hair, tugging me closer to him. I placed my hands on his waist under his shirt, thumbs brushing against his warm skin as we made out. We haven't had a repeat of what happened earlier this month, and I think it's for the best. Louis still has a lot to work through before he can even this about having sex with me. And I'm more than okay with waiting. I would wait forever just for him.

"So are you going to come with me to the New Year's Eve party tonight?" He asked, pulling away and resting his hands on my shoulders. 

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," I replied, pulling him back down into my arms. 

\---

9:16 P.M.

This party had to have been the biggest one yet. It was just the usual guests, but friends of friends, people who are home from school for winter break and heard of a party, the spring pledges, even random adults who came for free drinks. Louis was glued to my side as we both tried to find anyone we knew in this crowd. He quickly spotted Niall and Dylan chilling outside on the patio, Niall strumming his guitar while Dylan was nursing a beer. 

"Hey guys," I greeted, Louis and I both giving them a hug as we joined them. "Happy New Year!"

"Right back at you!" Dylan chuckled, pointing a finger at us. "Let me get y'all something to drink; what'd'ya want?" 

"My usual," Louis was quick to answer, tightening his grip on my hand. "And Harry will take whatever red wine we have."

"Louis, babe, I'm not planning on drinking tonight." He looked up at me, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip, and I just knew what that look meant. "You have something planned don't you."

"You'll just have to wait until midnight."

I pressed a quick kiss on his nose, choosing not to try and get it out of him. 

\- - -

10:30 pm

Louis and I stayed on the porch with Niall and Dylan, other mutual friends filtering in and out. My boyfriend was perched on my lap as he nursed his 3rd drink of the night, while I was still on my first. The alcohol was clearly getting to him as he pressed kisses on every inch of exposed skin that he could. He drunkenly mumbled about saving my lips for midnight, but of course he kissed them anyways. 

"Styles!" Someone from behind us called out, and the way Louis wrapped a protective arm around my torso was all I needed to know who it was. 

"Hey Nick," I chuckled nervously, rubbing my fingers through Louis's hair in a hope to calm him down. "How are you?"

"I'm good. I'm good. How uh, how have things been with you?"

"Pretty great," I replied with a quick kiss to Louis's forehead. "I'm sure you guys already know each other.... but this is my boyfriend—"

"Boyfriend?!"

"—Louis."

Louis quickly pulled away from where his face was hiding. "Hey Grimshit."

Nick started to fish face, not quite knowing how to respond; and I blame the alcohol in my system for giggling at him, but he really never stood a chance.  Louis gave him a cute little wave before pulling me in for a few chaste kisses, clearly wanting Nick to leave. There was the unmistakable sound of Niall laughing once he returned to his chair, placing another drink down for me and Louis. 

"Good to see you Grimshit," he greeted, using the infamous nickname the pair came up with in high school. "Hope you're having second thoughts on joining this here fraternity."

Nick excused himself, Louis quick to flip off his retreating back. "God I fucking hate him," my boyfriend sighed, slumping back against me. "We denied his pledge right?"

"Yup; I keep taking the piss whenever he comes by. Wish you were around more often to help me out; Harry’s invited to join of course."

"I don't think Harold here is quite ready to see what the Tommo can do."

"Yeah just ignore the fact that I lived in a tiny dorm room with you for a year,” I chuckled, wrapping my arms tightly around him.

—-

11:49 pm

With a little over 10 minutes to midnight, everyone eventually found their way inside of the house. It’s tradition for all of the members of Lambda Chi Alpha— including the pledges for spring— to sing the song of their choice on karaoke.

All 20 of the guys gathered in the media room, 10 guys per microphone and the moment the music started I was quick to pull out my phone and capture this on video. 20 drunk college aged dudes were singing I Want It That Way by The Backstreet Boys.

 

We were fortunate that Louis, Niall, and Niall’s roommate were all in the same group because their voices really helped make the frat sound better. When Louis began to sing I cheered as loudly as I could, wanting to show to my boyfriend that I will still support him as he’s embarrassing himself in front of everyone. 

Once they were done and after posing for pictures, the party guests all were quick to find who we wanted to ring in the new year with considering there was only a few minutes left. Louis interlaced our fingers together, as we went into the kitchen to grab a bottle of champagne and two solo cups to bring upstairs to his room. 

“Are you ready for your surprise?” Louis asked as we entered his room and sat on the bed. I popped open the bottle and poured some champagne into our respective cups. 

“Oh so I don’t have to wait until exactly midnight?” I teased, kissing his cheek and handing him a cup of champagne. 

“It’s like... 4 minutes away, let me do what I need to do. Uh... shit I don’t think I can do this in 4 minutes.” 

“Louis! Just get it over with! What’s my surprise?” 

He looked down into his lap, shaking his head. I used my free hand to get him to look up at me, smiling just as wide as he was when we heard some people prematurely counting at ‘59.’ 

“I uh.... Harry Edward Styles...”

‘54’

“You’re doing this on purpose.”

‘51’

“I’m trying to time this right! I’m not getting the chance to say what I wanted to say when I wanted to say it!” 

‘44’

“Louis....?”

‘40’

“I guess what I’m trying to.... get out is that.... you are one of the most important people in my life. And yeah I treated you like shit for most of the time I’ve known you, but that was the only way I could hide my true feelings. Which only grow stronger as time moves on.”

“Louis...”

‘20’

“My angel; my wonderful boyfriend.”

‘15’

Tears began to well up in my eyes once I realized exactly what he was doing. “Oh my god... you are so cheesy!” 

‘10’

We began to inch closer, his eyes glancing down at my lips before making contact once again with mine. Blue meeting green. 

‘9’

Louis brought his free hand up, resting it on the back of my neck. 

‘8’

Our foreheads were resting against one another, our breathing becoming mixed up in one another.

‘7’

His thumb began to rub back and forth, I suspected giving him something to use as a subtle distraction to the intense atmosphere.

‘6’

“Harry.”

‘5’

“Louis.”

‘4’

“I’m in love with you.”

‘3’

“I love you too.”

‘2’

We began to close the minimal space left. Our lips just barely grazing each other. 

‘1... HAPPY NEW YEAR!’

“Well isn’t this sweet,” that toxic and cold voice rang out in the room. Louis tensed up, bringing his hand back to his body as he curled up in a ball and backed up into the corner of his bed that met with the wall. 

“What are you doing here?!” I snapped, moving in front of my boyfriend, glaring at the one person who I hate most. Fucking Sebastian. 

—-


	16. Sweet Creature

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued from the last chapter

Fucking Sebastian. 

Just the sight of him makes my blood boil. Who the fuck does he think he is, showing up uninvited to a party where almost everyone who knows him hates him.

"Get the fuck out," I snapped again, holding a deadly stare with his cold grey eyes. The same wicked smirk he had on Halloween was back, and that's when I noticed something glimmer in the dim lighting of Louis's bedroom. 

Oh shit.

"I'll only leave if the fucking bitch comes with me," he snapped back, holding up the switch blade in Louis's direction. 

"No."

"The fuck did you just say to me?"

"I said no. I’d have to be out of my damn fucking mind to let Louis go with you." I kept my guard up, wanting to protect Louis from this fucking psycho, even if it means risking my fucking life; that’s love bitch. 

“You asked for it,” he growled out, about to lunge for us, everything happening too quickly for me to register. 

What I thought was going to be our impending doom— as dramatic as that phrase sounds— actually became our saving grace— once again a dramatic phrase. There were four police officers spread throughout the room. Two of which were dealing with Sebastian, handcuffing him and reading off his rights. The other two were fussing over me and Louis, it took me a second to register what they were saying. One was asking me questions, while the other was speaking into his radio. A single phrase echoing in my head. 

“There’s been a stabbing.”

I quickly examined my body, not feeling any pain or spotting a drop of blood. And that’s when I felt my heart drop into my stomach, spotting Niall and Dylan in the door way, both of which trying to hold back their tears. I turned around, not wanting to see a lifeless Louis behind me but needing to make sure he was okay. 

I let go of the breath I was holding when I saw that he was alive. He had one hand pressed into his side, the other was clenching his bed sheets in shock. “Lou,” I gasped, reaching for him. “Oh Jesus Christ.... I’m so sorry baby.”

“What a great way to ring out the New Year,” he chuckled, looking over at me. “Let’s not tell my mom about this... okay? But I’m fine. Really. This is nothing; compared to what he’s done to me before.”

“An ambulance is on it’s way,” the officer who reported the stabbing told us, shooting a quick glance at where Sebastian was being shoved out of the room. “If your friend’s hadn’t called us, who knows what state you guys would have been. After you get stitched up one of us will be there to get a statement from you both; and from what it sounds like there’s a lot of history between you three. There’s a chance we might get this fucker in for life.”

—-

“Do you think I’ll get a cool scar from this?” Louis suddenly asked, looking over at me from his hospital bed. After getting stitched up and questioned by the police, he was told he needed to stay on 48 hour watch— given his history and the fact that he had been drinking and there was a lot of blood loss. On the bright side, the doctor told us that no major organs were hit, so there was nothing to worry about. 

“How are you so calm?” I sighed, reaching over and intertwining our fingers. “You’re in the fucking hospital. Again. Because of Sebastian.”

“I dunno; I guess because of all the drugs they put me on. Or maybe because you’re here.”

“I was here last time.”

“Ah, but it’s different now.”

If it wasn’t for his teasing voice, I would have playfully shoved him. But instead I brought up our intertwined fingers and pressed my lips to his knuckles. “That it is,” I agreed, trying to contain the smile on my lips. 

 

—-

At some point in the day Niall came by with some food from Cafe Dulce; a Turkey and Swiss Club for Louis and a Cranberry Walnut salad for my self. 

“So what’s it like to get stabbed,” he asked, sat in the chair next to my own. 

“It was crazy dude,” Louis chuckled in between bites of food. “Like at first I didn’t feel anything except for the blood seeping into my shirt. It began to hurt like a bitch after they got me stitched up, when the adrenaline wore off and before the pain meds kicked in. It’s mostly a dull ache right now; but I’m pretty sure once I’m out I’m gonna milk being stabbed and in pain for as long as I can.”

I smiled at that while Niall burst into his infectious laugh. I think we were both stoked to see that Louis’s sense of humor was still there. Unlike last time. I quickly shook that thought out of my head, this is nothing like last time. 

Like Louis said... It’s different now. 

—-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s so short !!!! I was thinking of ways to add to it but there’s only so much I can write about Louis being in a hospital tbh. Plus what I have planned next is going to need it’s own chapter (and then some)


	17. I Wanna Dance With Somebody

Before we knew it... the spring semester has begun. The first day back I walked into Mike's office, him emailing me saying he wanted to talk as soon as possible. 

"Harry!" He greeted, getting up and pulling me into a hug. "Come, sit! I have something for you." 

I sat across from him as he leaned back against his desk, handing me a thick white envelope. "I told you to consider that internship in Chicago.... My friend who offered it to you said you were talented, but he didn't think you should be confined to a local blog. He told me sent your stuff to a friend of his and I just got that in the mail today," he explained. I flipped it over, my breath catching as I read who sent the letter. 

—-

"Harry are you even paying attention to me," Louis sighed, slumping back in the booth. We were back at Ebaes for a late lunch in between classes, Zayn once again our server. 

"No," I sighed, reaching across the table to grab his hand. "No I'm not. I'm sorry. I just have something on my mind."

"What? But it's the first day of the semester! What could possibly be bothering—"

"I got offered an internship in New York, to be a junior assistant photographer for Paper Magazine."

"Oh."

I gave him a tight smile, trying my best to avoid eye contact with him. "I'm not going to take it."

"And why the fuck not?"

I looked up at my boyfriend then, not expecting this reaction. "Lou, it's in New York. It would be different if it was for something out here."

"It's because of me isn't it."

I bit my lip, preventing my self from saying anything that could dig me into a deeper hole. Louis took his hand out of mine, crossing is arms across his chest. 

"The usual for the happy couple," Zayn announced as he placed the sushi down on the table, looking between us. "Oh god please don't tell me you're breaking up."

"We're not," I answered a little too quickly, not taking my eyes off of Louis. My boyfriend rolled his eyes, breaking apart his chopsticks and digging into his roll. "Don't give me that look! We are just having a disagreement."

"I'm not going to prevent you from achieving your dream," he snapped, pointing his chopsticks at me. 

"You don't have to because I'm doing it myself. I'm not going to fucking New York, not after I—."

"Wait New York," Zayn interrupted, the two of us forgetting that he was there. "You're going to New York?"

"No," I answered 

"Yes he is, don't listen to him," Louis argued, glaring at me. "He's going to New York to work for Paper and he's going to be great."

"I'm not going to fucking go!"

"I won't let you stay here and end up resenting me for it."

"Jesus Christ you two," Zayn groaned, walking away. "When I come back with your bill you better have made up."

—-

We didn't make up when Zayn brought the bill and we certainly didn't make up when I dropped him off at The House. I was alone at the apartment playing with my dogs when my phone started to ring. I reached over to answer it without looking at who was calling, flipping it to speakerphone and putting it on the coffee table. 

"You're on speaker," I answered, giving Marshmallow a well deserved belly rub. 

"Why the hell did I get home to find Louis crying his eyes out," Niall snapped. 

"Shit... we had a fight. I got an internship for Paper Magazine in New York. He wants me to go but I won't. Not when everything between us is still so fresh." 

"You love him?"

"More than anything."

"Alright. I'm going to come drop him off," Niall sighed, and I could picture him pinching the bridge of his nose. "You guys have a shit ton to talk about and we both know that if this isn't taken care of Louis is gonna—"

"I know," I interrupted, wrapping my arms around my Labradoodle. "Door's open, I'll see you in a bit."

"See you."

I groaned the second the line went dead, throwing my head back to rest it against the couch. Minnie and Armani came over and attacked my face with kisses, to which I responded with watch scratches. "Don't fall in love; it's great but Jesus Christ it's a mess."

—-

The door opened and all of the dogs ran over to greet Niall and Louis as they made their way inside. Niall was quick to get on his knees and accept his fate as my dogs gathered around him. Louis chuckled, before looking over at me and giving me a tight lipped smile. I got up, stepping around the dogs, and stood toe to toe with my boyfriend. 

"C'mon," I whispered, interlocking his fingers with my own. I led him down the hall to my room, keeping the door open as we laid down on my bed. 

"I didn't get to tell you that I love you today," he whispered, rolling over to rest his head against my chest. I pressed my lips to his hair, squeezing him close to me. 

"I'm not going to resent you," I whispered, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him completely on top of me. "This decision was made on my own. The original internship I was going for allowed me to work out here, but the second I saw 'New York' I knew I couldn't do it; I would miss you too much. And before you interrupt me: I know that this opportunity is incredible. But the timing was a little off. We literally just started to say those three little words to each other, I don't think I could have just upped and fucked off to New York. You're here, and you matter more than a silly little internship. I love you, and nothing you can say to me will change my mind about staying here with you."

"You promise?"

"I promise what?"

"That you love me. And that you won't end up hating me for preventing you from taking the internship."

"I do. I do promise. In fact I think I love you a little more than photography.”

“Just a little?”

I chuckled, bringing my hand up to tilt his chin up so I could look into his beautiful blue eyes. He was quick to press his lips against mine, and I knew in this moment that we figured everything out. And that’s all that matters. 

—-


	18. Slow Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s so late.

Things started to get back to normal a week or two into the semester. When I got home after my classes for the day I smiled when I saw that Louis was asleep on the couch with Minnie and Maggie curled up with him. Armani came trotting out from my room, barking excitedly when he saw me. I looked over at Louis who was still asleep but the other two dogs were wide awake now and running over to me. 

"Hello creatures," I whispered, squatting down to give them all love, assuming Jack was sleeping somewhere and Marshmallow was most likely with Zayn— or the very least in his room. "Please shut up so you don't wake my boyfriend. It's rare for him to sleep on his own."

"I heard that," Louis mumbled from where he was laying, eyes still closed. "How were your classes?"

"They were okay," I chuckled, shuffling over to my boyfriend so I could give him a quick peck on the lips. "How was your day today?"

"Liam came by for a little bit; he and Zayn left to go watch a movie or something. I'm guessing we won't see them for the rest of the night."

"Are you trying to hint at something?"

Instead of answering Louis surged forward and captured my lips between his in a passionate kiss. The initial shock of it caused me to gasp, giving his tongue access to rub against mine. "I'm ready," he whispered pulling away slightly. "I swear I'm ready Harry. I want to do this. With you; only you." 

I was at a loss for words, so I pulled him into another quick kiss before getting to my feet and bringing him up with me. I bit my lip as I looked down and admired my gorgeous boyfriend; his messy hair, my t-shirt hanging loosely on his torso, his stained sweatpants, and his mismatched socks. I still can not believe that this incredible human being is mine. "C'mon," I chuckled, intertwining our fingers. "Before the dogs figure out our plan and dominate my bedroom."

Louis lifted our hands up, pressing a kiss to each of my knuckles. "Lead the way," he whispered with a glint in his eye. 

I pulled him into the direction of my room, nudging my dogs out of the way in order to keep them out. I let out a sigh of relief when I didn't see Jack or Marshmallow in my room. I shut the door behind us, quickly locking it before crowding Louis against it. 

"Are you sure you want this," I whispered, bringing my hand up to cup his face and get him to look up at me. 

"Only with you," he reassured me before pulling me down into a passionate kiss. He walked us towards my bed, shoving me down against it, stopping the kiss so he could take off is shirt. My hand instantly went to the scar from New Years, thumb rubbing it gently. We went to the doctors a few days ago to get the stitches removed, and now this faint pink scar joins the rest of Sebastian's collection on Louis's body. 

"You're incredible," I whispered, my hand creeping upwards to cup the back of his neck. "I love you. So much."

"I love you," Louis chuckled before leaning down to kiss me. As we got lost in the kiss he began to rock his hips down into mine; giving attention to both of our growing erections. He moved his hands towards the front of my jeans, slowly working the button and zipper. 

"Whoa baby," I mumbled, pulling away a bit. "Slow down yeah? I want this to last; want to savor every second of this."

Louis nodded, before connecting our lips once again. I was quick to change our position, me now on top of him as I moved down leaving kisses along his neck and collar bones. I ran my fingers across his scars, pressing a kiss onto the most recent one. A smile crept on my face as I remembered him telling me that he loves me for the first time that night, and that I didn't even hesitate to repeat it back to him.

And now I finally get to make love to him.

—-

Sex with Louis might be my new favorite activity. The way his body moved with mine, the way we both knew exact what the other needed and wanted, and the way that he looks naked took my breath away. 

I looked down at Louis, where he was snoozing on my chest. I couldn't help the smile on my face as he cuddled closer to me, needing to be as close to me as possible when he sleeps. I ran my fingers through his hair, constantly brushing it back because of how long it was starting to get. Which was more than okay, gave me something to onto tonight. But I've always liked his hair no matter what length he has it at; he works it no matter what. I pressed a kiss to the top of his head before dosing off myself. 

—-

I woke up to an empty bed, but it was still warm on his side so I knew he couldn't have gotten far. After pulling on some boxers I left my room to look for my boyfriend. I found him on the balcony, a cigarette hanging from his lips, and my boxers and hoodie covering his body from my neighbors. I didn't say anything as I sat next to him and pressed a kiss to his hair, pleased that he was leaning closer to me to seek the comfort he only finds with me. I watched as he removed the cigarette and stubbed it into Zayn's ash tray. 

"What have you done to me?" Louis asked, looking out at the city as the setting sun painted everything in a warm glow and I wished I had my camera on me to capture the beauty that I saw. 

"Excuse me?"

"I have never felt more loved before in my life. And then I met you."

"Is this about the sex?"

He snorted a laugh at that, turning his head to look at me. "It's about you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I love you Harry Styles."

"I love you too Louis Tomlinson."

—-

Since our first time together we have gotten even clingier. We tried to keep it down when we were hanging out with the guys. But sometimes we can't help it. 

The five of us were getting dinner together at Doomie's per my request. We were squeezed in one of the booths, Louis practically on top of me even though we were the only two on our side. I was feeding him some buffalo fries, and he was being a giggling mess. We were in our own world until Niall decided to shatter it. 

"So I'm guessing you guys finally did it."

"You guys did it?!" Liam repeated, looking way too excited to know that information. 

"Harry your door open when Louis is over and if I'm home," Zayn chuckled, taking a bite out of his burger. "Fuck. Vegan food is good."

I rolled my eyes at them, pressing a kiss to Louis's lips which he happily reciprocated. 

—-


	19. Better Together

"Cold Brew for My Lovely Boyfriend!" Louis called out, smirking at me as I walked up to the counter to get my drink. 

"You couldn't just call out Harry?" I chuckled grabbing the iced coffee from him. 

"No. I couldn't."

I rolled my eyes fondly at him. "When do you get off?" 

"In about 5. When's your lecture?"

"In about 10."

"Harry! Your class is like a 6 minute walk!"

I rolled my eyes before walking over to an empty table and sitting myself down. I pulled out my laptop and began working on my essay for Anthropology. I knew double majoring would be difficult when I chose Humanities; something I have no intention going into after I finish school. It was just something nice to have under my belt, just in case photography didn't work out. 

I smiled to myself as Louis sat down across from me, apron in his arms. I hooked my ankle around his as I kept writing my essay. "You're going to be late," my boyfriend nagged, slowly closing my laptop to get me to leave. 

"Walk with me?"

"Now you're really going to be late."

I shrugged, leaning over the table and pressing a quick kiss to his lips before packing up my stuff.

—-

Louis and I walked hand in hand across campus to where my lecture was. We just joked and teased each other until we got to the classroom. "I'll see you at...?"

"The Frat House," my boyfriend smiled, pressing a kiss to my lips. "Now get to class."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Louis finally detached himself from me, walking dramatically down the hallway towards the exit and I just rolled my eyes at him and entered my class. I didn't care about the looks my classmates gave me and the fact that my professor literally stopped mid sentence as he waited for me to take a seat. The only thing on my importance radar was Louis.

Nothing else seemed to matter. 

—-

The last class of my day was about to end. I looked down at the quiz that was thrown on my desk. There has got to be an issue. There is absolutely no way I got a D on it. There's no way. When my professor dismissed us I was quick to march up to him to address my grade. 

"A D?" I asked, turning the quiz around. "I studied my ass off for this quiz and you gave me a D?"

"You gave your self a D, Mr. Styles," my. Professor sighed, taking off his glasses and looking up at me. "And I don't think strip studying with your boyfriend is effective."

I felt my cheeks turn pink at that. "I mean... it helped in the moment," I mumbled, avoiding eye contact. 

"If you want to pass this class I recommend finding a tutor— not your boyfriend. There are ads posted all over campus, you're sure to find one."

"I guess I'll look into it..."

"Good. Now if you'll excuse me— I have a class across campus that I need to teach."

"Thank you sir," I sighed as he walked past me. I went back to where I sat and packed up all my stuff when I noticed a girl hanging out in the back of the class. Something about her seemed oddly familiar but I couldn't quite place it. 

"Sorry for eavesdropping but I couldn't help but overhear that your looking for a tutor?" She asked, taking a few steps towards me. "I could help you out. I'm getting an A in this class and from the sounds of it you really need some help."

"I really don't need one," I explained, shrugging my bag onto my shoulder. "This semester I'm just... putting my attention somewhere else."

"Well if you change your mind..." she trailed off, grabbing my hand and writing both her phone number and email address on my tattooless forearm in sharpie. "I'll see you around."

"Uh... yeah."

What the actual fuck just happened? 

—-

When I entered the frat house some of the usual guys were playing call of duty, but I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, eating chips with Niall and Zayn. 

"Hey baby," he smiled as I wrapped an arm around him and kissed his head. "How was class?"

"No more rewarding me with sex when I study," I chuckled, choosing to ignore the reactions of my friends. "I got a D on my quiz."

"Aw... but you studied so hard for it."

"I think I mostly studied male anatomy."

"Now that's the class you should be taking."

I chuckled at my boyfriend's nonsense before pulling him in for a kiss. No matter how bad my day is, leave it up to Louis to turn it all around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this took so long. And I’m sorry that it’s just a filler. Just a couple more chapters until this fic is finished tho


	20. Bad Ideas

I woke up in my own bed, looking over at the sleeping figure next to me. The nightmares were finally gone; Louis is now capable of sleeping a full eight hours of sleep without the visions of his past coming to haunt him. I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek before rolling out of bed. I waved at Zayn who was on the balcony with Liam, the two of them sharing a joint and watching the sunrise together. 

The two of them are in the process of moving in together. They found an apartment that's smaller than Liam's, but it's further from campus. It's going to be a little bit different not living with Zayn anymore, but with Louis staying over every other night (with me staying over at the frat house those nights) it's not going to be too weird. 

I set out a bowl and the box of Cocoa Puffs on the coffee table before feeding the dogs and Jack and preparing my own breakfast. I saw Louis enter the living room out of the corner of my eye, Armani following him. He was in a pair of my sweatpants and nothing else, and his did I wanna take him back to my room and let him know exactly what he does to me. 

"Good morning," he yawned, sitting down and pouring his cereal in his bowl. 

"Good morning Lou," I smiled, trying to keep my cool as my heart soared at how domestic this all is. "How did you sleep?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

"That bad?" I teased knowing that he didn't toss or turn once. 

"Yeah. Some jack ass kept stealing the blankets from me— kept me up all night."

"Well I apologize even if those are falsehoods."

Louis chuckled out loud at that, looking over at me with a huge grin. "Falsehoods? I'm starting to think you hang around me too much."

"And is that a bad thing?" I challenged, serving up my plate as he shook his head. I smiled, going over to join him on the couch. We put on some mindless show as we cuddled on the couch. When we both finished our breakfast we wrapped ourselves up in blankets and just enjoyed being together. 

"Zayn and Liam still here?" He asked after pressing a kiss to my hair. 

"Yeah. They're on the balcony," I answered looking up at my boyfriend. "Hey."

"Hey."

"I love you."

The way the corners of Louis's eyes crinkled up when I told him that made me want to tell him over and over if this was how happy he got from hearing it. In lieu of a reply he pressed a kiss to my lips, letting it linger because we were lost in our own little bubble. "Ugh," Zayn's voice came from the dining area, "stay outside babe; Louis just woke up and he's making out with Harry."

I pulled away from my boyfriend to flip off my best friend. 

Yeah. I'm gonna miss him when he moves. 

—-

The frat house was having another party. I was catching up with Lilly as Louis was getting us our drinks. She was telling me about this girl she's been seeing, but isn't sure if it's worth it since the girl was graduating this year. 

"I'm not like you," she sighed, sipping at her wine as she dramatically laid back on the couch. 

"Like me?" I chuckled, lightly shoving her legs off of me. 

"Y'know. Tied down; in love."

"I'm not tied down."

"You literally said no to the internship because you wanted to stay with Louis."

"Well yeah; but that's different... I don't want him to y'know... relapse."

"You always put him first! When was the last time you did something for yourself?"

"Why are we talking about me? This should be about you!"

Lilly shrugged just as Louis returned with two beers. He handed me one as he sat down in my lap and I pecked his lips as thank you. I tried to ignore Lilly making a whip motion with her hand and focused mainly on my boyfriend. 

"I was thinking of heading upstairs and having a party of our own," Louis whispered in my ear, sending chills down my spine at what he was insinuating. 

"In a little bit," I whispered back, pulling him closer to me. "Lemme finish my beer and then we can go."

He pressed his lips against mine before putting his attention on one of his frat brothers. I tried to ignore the smug look that Lilly was giving me, but her words just kept echoing in my head. Even when Louis and I despised each other I always put him first. When he was dating Sebastian I was always the one to take care of him. 

I looked over at louis and gave him a tight lipped smile before pressing my lips to his. I can't be thinking like this.

—-

Spring break was quickly approaching which only meant that midterms were on the way. If I wanted to pass any of my classes I knew I had to get a tutor. I looked at my phone, the number staring back at me. I ended up saving the number of the girl in my class. Lacy. There was an uneasy feeling when she talked to me, and that same feeling was back as I sat here. I really need a tutor, but there was something about this girl that made me think she wasn't in it to tutor. 

"Babyyyyy come back to bed," Louis mumbled wrapping his arms around my waist. I turned slightly to thread my fingers through his soft hair. 

"Do you know a girl named Lacy?" I asked, wanting to get right to the point. Louis tensed up when I mentioned her name, and I knew right away that it was not a good sign. 

"She's the girl that Sebastian would cheat on me with," he confessed, sitting up to rest his his head on my shoulder. "The girl that was draped all over him that night at the bowling alley. How do you know her?"

"She uh... she offered to tutor me but I was getting a weird vibe from her. I'm not gonna have her tutor me, but fuck Louis... if I don't pass this test I'm going to fail Bio."

"Ask Liam or Zayn if they help you. I can help as much as I can but I think I'm more of a distraction than help."

"I love you," I chuckled pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "Get some rest, I'm gonna see if the dogs need to go out real quick." 

"Be back soon, I always sleep better with you." 

"Of course darling."

I got up off the bed and made my way out of the apartment. The dogs didn't need to go out, considering I let them out before joining Louis in the bedroom. I just needed a moment away from everything. I couldn't think of anyone that was awake, with it being 3 in the morning. So I just took a walk around the block, trying to clear my head. There's only a few months left in the school year, and I kept thinking about what's next for me. What am I supposed to do once I graduate next year? What if I don't graduate? I tried picturing some sort of future for myself; with Louis, without Louis. Staying in California, moving away. But nothing stuck. Nothing felt right. 

What am I supposed to do?

—-

"Haz? It's like 2 in the morning." Niall yawned as he opened the door to the frat house and saw me sitting on the steps. "Why are you here?"

"3 actually," I responded, patting the spot next to me as a gesture for him to join me. "I think I'm going to take the internship."

"The one in Chicago?

I nodded as he sat next to me, he kept his hands in his lap as he looked down at feet. "Their office doesn't open until 8 our time, but I'm going to see if the offer still stands." 

"Are you fucking with me right now? What are you going to tell Louis?"

"He's the one that wanted me to go in the first place. Besides, when was the last time I did something for me?"

"Shit... you're not going to tell him."

"I don't know.... I feel like if I tell him he would freak out and get pissed off at me even though he wanted me to do it in the first place. But I need to do this I just... I can't stay here and let the chips fall where they may. I fucking love him... I never thought that I would. There's a possibility that I'm not going to be with him forever." 

"Alright... I'll help you."

"What?"

"This is something you need to do... I'm not happy about lying to my best friend... but fuck Harry... you need to put yourself first." 

"Thanks Niall."

"It's no problem dude."

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on twitter @txlk_fxst !!! (I'll have an actual link later I'm just a mess.)


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